Madness

So tha rapture apparently was supposed to happen today. I wouldn’t know this if I didn’t have a twitter (@rainbro) but enough people told me that it was supposed to as much as people tried to make it sound like raptor sounds like rapture…It’s pretty much an embarrassment to everyone. It embarrasses people who believe in God because it justifies atheists thinking you’re an idiot that tha end of tha world would have some sort of time table on it; It’s embarrassing to atheists because they act like tha people that believe this shit are real. They’re about as real as it being summer in May.





I’m so sick of clowns "loving summer." News flash posers: it's MAY okay? Blue creme Oreos haven't even come out yet. Get a clue. I haven’t been able to find those R!O Oreos either. Sad day. But I DID get to see R!O and it was sooo good. Top 5 of tha 2000’s for sure. Bolt of course being number one. Educate yourself. I still haven’t seen Scream 4, Fast 5, or Thor…um…1. But I did also see Bridesmaids! I was skeptical to check it out since people kept comparing it to tha Hangover but it’s really nothing like tha Hangover at all. Ya see Bridesmaids…

is a comedy.




A comedy that doesn't bring me half as much LOLz as faggots who own iPADs and now think they're dubstep DJs. Yooo I own bandaids. Am I a doctor?! None of you are photographers, models, DJs, musicians, comedians, writers, artists, or even "porn stars." You have a Facebook page, a camera, and a dream. And hey, keep livin' it! 'Cause you think life sucks now? Oh man! Wait til you have your heart broken and a rent bill. And recently my heart was broken.






It broke as soon as I was told that one of tha most recognizable names in wrestling, "Macho Man" Randy Savage died at age 58 due to a car accident. He was a big part of my childhood and I truly am saddened by tha news of his death. His style and charisma was only outshined by his performance in tha ring. He'll always be immortal to me.

R.I.P. Randy Poffo

Nuer Than Most

Yooo...look at that! Only like a month delay this time. So Wrestlemania was amazing. I met Michelle McCool and she hugged me and I'm pretty sure we're best friends now. Check my twitter followers ya know?! I got to see tha Hawks kill tha Celtics (but not really kill them. That faggot Davis is still breathing unfortunately :[ ) and eat at my favorite restaurants in Atlanta eating tha best fake food money and blood diamonds can buy.




Tha NBA playoffs are goin' down right now and if you know me you know I back tha Lakers hard. Perhaps tha hardest. Recently Kobe got a lot of heat on him for calling a ref a "fucking faggot" and I think that's really fucked up...that he's getting shit for it. Review tha video - that ref was being a fucking faggot! I have a lesbian hairscut and marched in pride parades when you were still thinking SOAP Shoes were cool so if anyone is qualified to identify tha proper use of tha word faggot it's me.




I've been trying to go out of my way to spread tha gospel of tha nu in 2011 and have been able to see some of my favorite bands from when I was younger: Taproot, Cold, (hed) P.E., Papa Roach and MY band even got to play with Nonpoint on my birthday a couple weeks ago. I really want girls to embrace this nu-ness in their style and this begins with anemically pale skin and most importantly... artificially colored hair. My go to color? PURPLE. And holy fuck if you can combine this with tha side ponytail?! I'll melt like ice cream you forgot you bought whilst grocery shopping so you go see a movie and then you go to take in tha bread and Capri-Sun in and you're like fuuuuuuck tha ice cream!!!!!





Purple isn't tha only color though. I pretty much back any unnatural hair color: teal, blue, red. Feel free to play bass and wear studs and combat boots too. We can make this work.





Basically what I'm trying to say is: I'm 12 years old, it's not rape if it's family, I don't know what an Osama Bin Laden is, and I spend my days trying to drown myself in tha bottom of these cans.




So unless my dream finally comes true and my phone isn't always tha lucky one who gets to die, I'll talk to you soon.

\||/

Return of tha Nu & Improved

I haven't hit this up in a while. Like 6 months. Tha good news is, you haven't missed out on anything. I've gone on a few trips, been to a few basketball games, and uh...OH YEAH! RIGHT NOW I'M AT FUCKING WRESTLEMANIA!!! No big deal. I'm not even excited about it. Who cares. In fact tha last time I posted was tha day i bought tha tickets. I'll do a whole WM weekend update soon.




I mean big things have been going on in tha world ya know. Serious things that affect tha world as a whole and not just your little island you live on. Things like...okay Taco Bell? HAS THEIR OWN FRITOS. What?! Rockstar Recovery has been single-handedly catapulted into popularity by me that it now comes in THREE flavors, two of which are good, AND...




My band has recorded tha greatest piece of musical history to ever grace sound, light, or tha further. I think some people and animals died but that's secondary to an Orange Rockstar Recovery obviously. People die everyday, revolutions only happen when...ya know...I make them happen.




I recently went to Colorado amongst other cities and states but Denver, Colorado really stands out tha most because mainly because:

1. There are NO black people in Colorado. It's like tha Australia of America just with less Lisa Frank looking mountains and more sports stadiums. One of which is tha Pepsi Center where I went and saw tha Denver Thuggets embarass tha Spurs. Tha best part about this was every time this Vince Russo lookin' motherfucker Manu Ginóbili got tha ball, they boo'd him like...well like he was Vince Russo. You don't get this but it's HILARIOUS I promise.



Saw a few movies recently but none I'm more excited about than RIO coming out.



But as far as non-animated movies, Scream 4 and Fast 5 have my attention. Fast 5 has The Rock in it and I've always been a sucker for those movies even though I KNOW they're bad. Sometimes that's half tha fun. Scream I've been into ever since tha first one because I understood Billy's plight. I mean I'd have to kill Neve Campbell after I fucked her too.



I'm going to update this way more frequently but while I had some downtime I figured I'd try to get back into it. Until then, remember that sadness is for poor people and Celtics jerseys are for faggots.

- rr

Rockstar Recovery

Been a long time. Since I left you...and I don't talk over everyone else's posts like Timbaland does in every song he produces. But I'm back now so congratulations on your good luck! YOU! Getting to read MY thoughts and opinions! I wish I was you so I could read my shit. But don't worry. I read my own over and over again and I laaaaaugh and laaaaugh...I actually just got a digital camera because it's 2004 and that's a new technology so maybe to make it less effort on myself I'll just start doing webcasts. LET THE FINGERBLASTING BEGIN!

Last night was election night so I hope you all voted. The polls are of course closed now so we're all aware of the winner:



So while I was gone I've pretty much only been listening to tha new Katy Perry album named after me: "Teenage Dream".



It's so fucking good and I haaaated "Just One of the Boys" for several reasons. I mean for one, "I Kissed a Girl"? Gross. Right? And really any girl just trying to be "one of the boys" is annoying to me. Go get some more tattoos and talk about Call of Duty slut. I just hate when Katy does that thing with her mouth where she's making noises that sound like words but amazing pop songs AREN'T playing in the background. You might think I'm a faggot because this is my 2nd favorite album of the year (the first being Ke$ha's "Animal") and because I sing "I WANNA SEE YOUR PEA-COCK-COCK-COCK" at the top of my lungs in my car but you're wrong!...

I'm a faggot because I like boys.
I'm a pedophile because I like 'em young.
And I'm an Aries because my birthday is in the first week of April.

So while I wasn't listening to Teenage Dream I found some time to go to the movies and peep that Easy A joint. You guys...this movie is so good. If you know anything about me then, outside of the fact I despise fat people, you know I love Lindsay Lohan more than anyone or anything in this world. Except for maybe Carly from Kicking Daisies...



Such a babe you guys. Anyway so outside of Lindsay and Carly (<3333333) I think I'm beginning to love Emma Stone on that same level. I did have a problem with the movie though. I mean really? PAYING girls to SAY that they hooked up with you?! HA! They'll actually DO the shit for FREE! YA GET THA JOKE?!

Girls are sluts.


Finally, in an attempt to be as trite as all the other posts on this site I leave you with a regret that I have in liking this band. They have the worst name and they all look stupid and I bet if they were on Solidstate foolofgold would have all their b-sides and posters and live DVDs but they are djent all day so despite the fact I'd probably give every member of the band the diamond cutter if I ever met them, I think it rules. So here it is:




P.S. - Be sure to checkout my advice blog - http://SurroundedByFaggots.Blogspot.com

Rainbro at tha Movies: Scott Pilgrim

Before I get into tha impending vampire apocalypse, it’s important I let you know about a couple of things that have been currently ruling my life.

First and foremost, I mentioned it last time, Scott [fucking] Pilgrim vs. tha [fucking] World. This movie is perfect. It really has everything. I mean let’s go from a straight lusty standpoint: teenage Asian girl, .

teenage Asian boys,

that girl from Parks & Recreation,

a ginger drummer,

Anna Kendrick,

the girl that plays Ramona,

who kinda looks like this girl Alex Williams I knew,

and AND teenage Asian boys.

I went to see this movie a 2nd time with earplugs in so tha dialogue wouldn’t get in tha way of my masturbating! (LOL! J/k. I didn’t wear earplugs).

As if all those seductive children weren’t enough, this movie is pretty hilarious and not just because of tha vegan jokes. I mean tha fact Michael Cera is supposed to be playing a ladies man is funny in its own right. Overall it’s a cool movie with a unique way to present its story without taking itself too seriously but serious enough to keep you interested.

QWERTY or Die

Fonez!

They're apart of our lives. In fact, they're part of my very well-being and income. Not because I work for a phone company or service provider...but because it's how I communicate to my clients when slangin' 8-Balls to 8 yr olds. But the war on drugs is for another post (because that's obviously what foolofgold has to take to be able to not only LISTEN to Carnifex but think they're good. He probably likes Oceano). What we're here to discuss is the waaaaaave of new handsets that are currently running our lives. If your Sidekick recently broke, I unfortunately don't have a spare one for you to use but I DO have a spare calendar for you to check that it's 2010 and other phones have a fucking keyboard. If your phone does NOT have a keyboard, I have a spare candyphone because that's about as useful as your shit is to me.

Now I know the iPhone 4G just dropped and to quite a bit of fanfare. Fanfare is what they call it when people make fun of something because it can't work when it's not held a certain way right? The iPhone I understand is cool. I'm not naive to it. What I didn't understand however was the iPad. It's a big phone? It's a small computer? But now I get it. Sometimes the iPhone isn't big enough to do the big line of coke that white teenage girls need. The iPad allows that stream to at least double to the point you are so high you think Twilight is a good movie. Which also explains the success of Twilight! I should be a detective. I'm in the wrong business. Just kidding! I bet detective work doesn't pay as much as these schoolyard kids do with their parent's money for blow.

I think Sprint has a phone but I haven't acknowledged their existence since Murphy Brown stopped being their spokesperson. Android has been taking over. The Nexus (or you're against us) One, the Droid, and variations of it have all slowly been replacing what used to be dominant forces in the cell phone game like Palm and Samsung.

Also, Androids have always been cool. Look at Terminator, okay? Cool. Close Encounters of the Third Kind? Also cool. Fourth Kind the movie was pretty cool. I believe it all as fact because Milla at the beginning tells me it is and I believe everything she tells me. Not like that hussy Zoey in 500 Days of Summer. I'm really distracting from the main point. The point is this:

This shit is out August 13th! Ramona is such a bitch but she's obviously crazy and probably has a drinking problem so she is one eating disorder away from all the girls I date.

The Pros and Cons of Butterface Season

Summer time! You know what that means – music festivals. Wanna see 100 bands in the same day at least 20 ft away from a stage with 8000 of your closest friends? Good news, bro! It's not cold outside so it's acceptable. Now throughout the years many fests have come and gone: Lollapalooza, Lilith Fair, Ozzfest, American Idol just to name a few. But throughout all the Dave Navarro solo albums, Sarah McLaughlan liberation commercials, and Paula Abdul replacements one tour has stood the test of time – Warped Tour! That's right kids. It's that annual event you talk shit about riiiiiiight up until the morning of when you're purchasing your ticket. Now throughout the years the format and style of the event and bands performing has changed but one thing remains constant:...it...um...exists. So I ventured out this past week to the  Charlotte, NC  Verizon Wireless Amphitheater to see what this year brought us.


Now really more important than the bands are the people that attend this show. It's full of all sorts of contradicting lifestyles and tastes from neon “Free Hug Shirts” to black-and-white “Fuck Your Free Hugs” shirts yet these people are able to co-exist through the mutual love of music and of course the shared attribute of being fucking stupid. The show is dominated by boys and girls between the ages of 15 and 22...I know. Delicious! But more importantly lucrative! That's why Four Year Strong who couldn't get 20 people to watch them two years ago can now charge $40 for a basketball jersey and bank the fuck out. And I don't blame 'em. jersey and bank the fuck out. And I don't blame 'em.


So back to the music. Very few Warped Tour mainstays this year which is good and bad. I mean do I really need to see the Vandals again? Nope. But the constant presence of Reel Big Fish is always welcome and really one of the highlights of the day. One thing I will always give Warped propers for is the diversity of bands. Sure some types of music are more dominant than others but there's certainly something here for everyone. Now with so many bands playing and many at the same time I wasn't able to see everyone that played, including my least favorite band Emmure which of course is devastating because their vocalist's pseudo-thuggerisms makes Miley Cyrus look like Tupac Shakur and I'm sad that I missed the opportunity for so many jokes. But alas here are the acts I was able to catch or at least take notice of.


VersaEmerge – I saw these guys last year and wasn't really impressed with the music as I was with how attractive the band is, even the vocalist. They recently dropped a new album (DROPPED IT!) called “Fixed at Zero” and their set was predominantly selected from said album. I really enjoyed these new songs and despite being a fairly mellow band they really keep the energy going.

Set Your Goals – probably the worst performance I saw all day. I guess these guys are pretty popular and are resting on the fact everyone knew their songs but they looked really uninterested in playing almost as much as I must have in watching them. Huge crowd and a huge letdown.

Pretty Reckless – Taylor Momsen, the love of my very life's band. I think they played some music. Who cares. I love you Taylor! Never turn 18.

Every Time I Die - What're ya stupid? Of course they were good. It almost seems redundant to talk about it so I'm not gonna.


Sum 41 – Reuniting without the ethnic looking dude for a new tour and a new album. I know you know every word to Fat Lip and so did the entire crowd. These guys coulda played their own show here and probably sold it out. They played all the hits and made each of them 7 minute epics with breakdowns of competitions of the audience of who was louder. But the real winner is America. them 7 minute epics with breakdowns of competitions of the audience of who was louder. But the real winner is America. who was louder. But the real winner is America.

Now I saw plenty of other bands but I have too much pride to tell you how much I enjoyed Bring Me the Horizon and absolutely HATED Of Mice and Men but the real point here is...Warped Tour is still going and probably not going anywhere anytime soon. No matter how bad the lineup is (which gets worse every year) it's hard to not have fun and with the affordable fee of $30ish dollars (or free if you're girlfriend is a cocktease to some South Florida band) it really isn't that bad of thing. So until Family Values comes back remember it could be worse...




It could be Ozzfest.