Top 25 Albums of 2012

Now that 2012 is over, I thought I'd be narcissistic and tell you guys what my favorite albums of tha year were. My favorite doesn't necessarily mean BEST but I'm always right about everything (outside of spelling) so actually yes it does.

25. Strife - Witness a Rebirth
This album makes tha list based purely on it sounding like a Strife album and tha numetal credentials of Marc Rizzo guest appearances. Strife was always ahead of tha curve and in 2012 they sound more relevant than ever.

24. Sleigh Bells - Reign of Terror
Tha dichotomy between tha crunching guitars and pop grace on this album is awesome and they really hone their craft with what was started on their last release.

23. Grimes - Visions
My obsession with cybergoth brought me to Grimes' video for tha song "Genesis" (which is tha most cybergoth shit I've ever SEEN) and at first came off as a novelty to me but really this album is dense in layers of different moods and atmospheres that really are pretty cool and more than just a cyborg pop gimmick.

22. Xibalba - Hasta La Muerte

21. Minus tha Bear - Infinity Overhead

20. Every Time I Die - Ex-Lives

19. Insane Clown Posse - Tha Mighty Death Pop

18. Dirty Ghosts - Metal Moon

17. Cattle Decapitation - Monolith of Inhumanity
Cattle Decapitation are legends at this point in their career and could easily rest on their laurels but this might be tha best in their discography. Tha riffs are catchy, tha lyrics skip from animal liberation to casting spells, and tha songs feel more brutal than ever. Best metal album of tha year by far.

16. Propagandhi - Failed States

15. Stone Sour - House of Gold and Bones, Part 1
I never liked Stone Sour before and always saw it as one of tha weaker Slipknot side projects especially compared to Murderdolls and I was right but a few albums deep they have finally NAILED it. This album is so impressive between tha songwriting and textures that it makes everything else they'd been doing prior like a demo. Excited to hear if they can keep up tha momentum with Part 2 in 2013.

14. Big K.R.I.T. - Live from tha Underground

13. Cher Lloyd - Sticks + Stones

12. Papa Roach - Tha Connection
Papa Roach's early work, namely "Infest" was huge for me in my early years but I really hadn't been able to connect (get it?) with their last 2 or 3 albums. With "Tha Connection" they added a slight, tasteful electronic element to tha music which isn't overpowering but is enough to give them a fresh take on what they had been kind of phoning in tha past few years. Anthemic choruses and uptempo instrumentals add to it to make songs like "Still Swinging" some of tha best of tha year.

11. Twiztid - Abominationz

10. Bridgit Mendler - Hello My Name Is...

9. Fabolous - S.O.U.L. Tape 2

8. Carly Rae Jepsen - Kiss
Yeah, you assholes pretend you didn't sing along to "Call Me Maybe" all summer.

7. Loztprophetz - Weapons
Loztprophetz have always been one of my favorite bands. "Weapons" combines tha raw take "Fakesoundofprogres", the brilliant riffs of "Start Something", and tha pop sensibility of "Revolution Transmission" and really plays on all their strengths.

6. Birthday Massacre - Hide and Seek

5. Game - Jesus Piece
Somewhat of a concept album, Game shows a mellower side production-wise on this album but he's as aggressive and hungry as ever. Almost every single song features at least one guest appearance which I at first was turned off by but it actually gives each track a fresh feel.

4. Deftones - Koi No Yokan

3. Linkin Park - Living Things
Linkin Park isn't one of my favorite bands yet I truly feel they are tha best band in tha world. They are completely aware of their abilities and strengths and execute tha sound they want to. They've never put out a bad song...they've put out songs I don't LIKE...but not ones that are bad. Living Things may very well be their greatest album. Nothing will ever touch tha right place right time perfection of Hybrid Theory but this is LP hitting their stride.

2. G.O.O.D. Music - Cruel Summer

1. Ke$ha - Warrior
Like there was any chance of any other album being my number one. Ke$ha is tha best artist out today, period. You can't convince me otherwise. She has infectious pop songs that are fun and serious when they need to be but most importantly RELATABLE. No, fuck that; most importantly POSITIVE. ENCOURAGING. Music illicits emotion. Tha world is fucked up. Warrior makes me feel like I can win and that is why it's my #1 album of 2012.

Check out tha liiiines...

You guys...can openers are hard. Yes, tha diving move (an alternative to tha played out 'cannonball'), but in this case, tha kitchen utensil. But in tha midst of feeling worthless 'cause I don't understand tha mechanics of turning tha one thing this way while tha other thing goes tha other way I realized: I'm not tha problem; SOCIETY is tha problem. WHY ARE YOU STILL CANNING FOOD LIKE THIS?! I CAN'T GET A POP TOP?!

These are tha hard-hitting issues I need addressed by my candidates. Taxes? Foreign policy? Not interested. Tell me about things I care about. Tha economy can WAIT; I will vote for whatever candidate's platform includes OPENING THA DISNEY VAULT. Also I want cake pops abolished. Why are you eating one bite of cake on a skewer? WHY are you not just eating a cupcake?! Legit question.

But I can't wait to vote in November!...

What? No not for tha president. For X-Factor. If you're not watching X-Factor this season, fuck you. Straight up. Demi Lovato, Britney Spears, and more hot awkward high schoolers than you can shake a stick at!

[Sidenote: don't try to shake a stick at them, especially near a school zone]. [Side Sidenote: people keep on asking 'WHY BRITNEY SPEARS' but if ya hafta ask why a 12 time Teen Choice Award nominee's a celebrity judge then you don't really understand what tha word "celebrity" means."]

Whenever they say how old they are and it ends in "-teen" tha crowd goes WILD! As if they KNOW what I'm THINKING! If it ain't a teenage babe, it's some dad with a kid trying to make money to support them turning me into Britney TEARS...ya know?!...like crying? Not to mention Demi's hair is like purple and gold. Pretty sure she got all my letters and is flirting with me.

Halloween is coming up y'all! [I'm going as a mouse...duh?] I'm sure lots of girls will try and be mermaids because they say they already are. Oh you're a mermaid? Go breathe underwater then for 10 minutes and get at me. Nah, you just dyed your hair red. And don't get me wrong! I looove girls with red hair. Not so much natural red, but bright and fake like your personality and "love for animals." Hey maybe that's what you can go as for halloween!...

Tha person you pretend to be on tha internet.

Raw is Rainbro: VICKIE POWER!

A.J. is seen 'addressing' Kane, Punk, and Bryan. I was hoping it'd end up being like cardboard cut out from FYE. She's really selling tha whole 'crazy' thing and though I don't necessarily "dig crazy chicks", I am experienced with them! Hi mom.

Vickie is tha GM for tha week and first of all...Vickie is hot. I don't even care. Also she was kind of a member of LayCool at one point so I'm slightly biased. More Vickie normally means more Ziggler so I'm down with all of this so far. She announces a triple threat elimination and this is tha best way to start off Raw. Great wrestling and purposeful story progress. Vickie for president.



Bryan gets tha win here on a weakened Punk which is perfect. It sets up Bryan to claim deserving another title shot, Punk doesn't look weak here because he just beat Kane 10 damn seconds ago, and we get more Punk/Bryan which is a feud I'm okay with lasting longer than tha Undertaker's streak.

AJ comes out which is all she needs to do. She's tha most complex character in wrestling right now (which is...good and bad I guess. For now I'll say good) and she further involves herself in what tha ultimate result of all of this will be. Girl needs new music though. She's a psycho but her music makes you think of a L'Oreal commercial.



Del Rio and Ziggler argue about being #1 contender. Vickie decides on a Contract-On-a-Pole match. Weird, but different! I like it!...well. I accept it!

Next Clay vs. Big Show. This is as slow and boring as you'd get but Big Show takes tha win. Not via chokeslam or WMD but just because he's fat. Tha worst part about this is Clay finally has his first loss and tha announcers don't put it over at all! For weeks...MONTHS "he hasn't been beaten!" and he finally is and they don't say one damn thing. Why wouldn't they use that to further put over Big Show as a heel? Where is Otunga in this? Also, good thing more happened during tha commercial break 'cause I LOVE COMMERCIALS. Stupid.



Brock Lesnar next week will answer Triple H's challenge 2 weeks ago for a match in 7 weeks!



Swagger vs. Jack Swagger. This match was actually not bad! I desperately wanted Swagger to win though because he needs something so he doesn't plummet to irrelevancy without Ziggler now. Santino has made tha U.S. Title worthless as even mentioned by tha announcers saying he hasn't defended tha title in months. Santino is over without tha belt. Either make him a serious competitor in tha ring or give tha title to someone who needs it. Sidenote: I'd be way more into Santino if he changed tha cobra sock from green to gold and came out to Limp Bizkit. And you would too.



Cena comes out to make a HISTORIC ANNOUNCEMENT. I know it's historic because he told me so. He starts yappin' about Star Wars and then tha best thing happens!!!!! Chris Jericho makes his return, with no Fozzy performance. That's a double positive. Jericho tells Cena to quit being a clown and make his announcement. Then Cena blows my mind by...

ENTERING MONEY IN THA BANK. This actually IS historic and legit excited me. Usually MitB is 6 guys all who are mid-card trying to get their moment to shine but high-profile names like Jericho and Cena in it is huge. Well done.

Jericho gives Cena a reality check that MitB isn't fun and games and Cena shouldn't just assume victory because a ladder match ain't no joke! This rules. I'm psyched. Moving forward.



I love Heath Slater as tha Reverse Legend Killer - where legends kill him. I also love nostalgia and I also love Psycho Sid. Sid Vicious. My dude. JCW. He looks good and I'm glad to see guys like him and Vader getting to come out and squash tha One-Man Rock Band. Short, sweet, to tha point, and really does tha job of keeping us aware and excited about July 23rd's 1000th Episode.



Ziggler and Del Rio battle it out for tha contract on tha pole! I enjoyed tha cat and mouse hot potato between tha 2 at tha end and both of these guys are great in tha ring. Sheamus comes out and says "arses" a bunch but in between announced Smackdown! will have a triple threat (tret) match for tha strap! NICE! Wrestling announced for tha wrestling show! I can dig it.

SOCIAL COMMENTARY: Tha WWE Universe would rather A.J. Lee be with all 3 dudes than just Daniel Bryan. Discuss.



Summertime Divas Battle Royal! A bunch of babes...and Beth Phoenix. In beachwear. I felt like this would have been tha best time to bring Kharma in but she wasn't so instead tha Divas champion gets eliminated but not after stomping Beth's face so I endorse it. Also A.J. hits some BDB "YES! YES! YES!"s further confusing us and making this segment relevant. I'll allow it.

Jericho vs. Cena. A good match between two veterans. Big Show interferes which makes sense to an extent because they'll all be in MitB but why is he still attacking Cena? This is like Nicki Minaj still making songs about Lil' Kim: move on. Kane should have come out since we also know he'll be in tha match and evened tha odds. Hopefully they add 2 more competitors for that match and not leave it at 4 to really make it more dynamic. Guys like Miz and/or Del Rio could really complete this.



So what did we learn?

Bryan vs. Punk at MitB
Clay had his first loss and no one cares.
Triple Threat on Smackdown!
Sid is still psycho.
AJ is still crazy.
Layla is still hot.
Big Show is still fat.

Autonomy

So I originally was going to post about my top albums of 2011 but...I just kept on writing down Femme Fatale over and over again so while I work on that I decided I'd put tha TV on for some background noise because people talk on it and makes me feel like I have friends! But I realized not very good ones (art imitates life!) because very few shows really stick with me. I mean sure I watch wrestling every day but there's only a couple shows I really care about and, more importantly, that really care about me.





Tha Walking Dead. I don't mean to spoil this for you, but zombies have taken over tha world (much like vampires soon will because you keep romanticizing them!) and there's a handful of white people, an Asian whose parents are probably ashamed of him, and a black guy that are trying to make it out there! I know it's an apocalypse because this haggard bitch Lori has somehow been railed out by both tha main male characters...and they don't even regret it! They're practically fighting over her! Tha zombie apocalypse has made them prison gay for ugly girls.






Now, given, my dream girl is a teenage single mom wigger babe with purple and teal hair but there's no way in a world where Kristen Bell is still making movies would Glen find Maggie hot. But this is how we know tha world is over. There's no Kristen Bell.






Now I hear a lot about this show Sons of Anarchy but I've never seen it because I don't own any denim vests and I'm too busy spending Tuesday nights watching THA LOONEY TUNES SHOW. "Oh yeah I used to watch that all tha ti-" NO YOU DIDN'T. This is a 2011 relaunch of tha franchise and it is, in all likelyhood tha greatest animated series of all time. I know you guys thought it was Tha Tick






but here's tha thing: Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck...LIVE together...and their neighbors are Yosemite Sam, Sylvester & Tweety, Gossamer, Speedy lives inside their house, Porky is just always like...around and they have a character way hotter than anyone on Walking Dead: Lola Bunny. Oh Lola. We've come a long way since Space Jam <3.




Wizards of Waverly Place it goes without saying is tha greatest show on television. Sadly it is coming to an end with only a few episodes left in tha entire series! This is really a big blow to sitcoms because Wizards has:


- tha hottest TV mom of all time,




- tha hottest sitcom girlfriend,


- and tha hottest TV brother




At least that's what my dad says. Other than that...5 years late I finally love 30 Rock. I originally saw it and was like "nah" but now I watched season 4 and I'm like..."yeh." It actually has a continuous plot and isn't just random episodes thrown together like tha first season seemed to be. It's like Sex and tha City for people that like shows that are funny and don't have 4 women in their post menapause eras pretending they're still hot. Actually it's a cast of tha most important people in my life, namely Tina Fey




and Alec Baldwin. Tina who wrote tha greatest movie of all time, Mean Girls and Alec Baldwin who is down for animal rights and in Tha Cat in tha Hat. OMG Dakota Fanning.

IGNYTSTFU

"Tha economy is in shambles blah blah" LISTEN...I have REAL problems okay? For one, this fucking Taco Bell is outta Baja Blast. Occupy THAT! Also, I haven't had tha easiest time locating Pumpkin Spice Silk this year. Now I contacted my congressman about that and he told me to go find a pumpkin soy cow and laughed at me. REAL FUNNY. Now I know what you're expecting here: me to either defend Occupy: Wall Street like Man Overboard defends pop-punk or to attack it and tell you why it's stupid like a sequel to Stay Alive. Although Stay Alive did have Peter from Heroes. Heroes was a good show. I know posers who started watching it after it went off tha air don't blog about it like Lost (see: 90% of Tumblr), but it ruled. And never really concluded. Kinda like when I went and saw Twilight. I left once Kevin from tha O.C. started chasing Kristen Stewart so that way, it would never end in my mind!




What was my point?


Oh yeah.


Posers.


So Occupy Wall Street, also known as First World Problems, is actually a great cause, message, and idea. But unfortunately tha messengers of tha message are not really who should be actin' like they know what they're talking about. Fighting for a civil liberty isn't quite tha same as fighting for a credit score. When you're barely out of your teens, unemployed, never OCCUPIED...a job, and never paid taxes I'm gonna need ya to shut tha fuck up. When you spent $150,000 on a degree and can't find a lot of work as an injury lawyer (maybe next time don't go to Yale? Or...major in tha handbells or whatever) I'm gonna need ya to shut tha fuck up. If you liked tha movie (500) Days of Summer? IGNYTSTFU.








If you truly advocate OWS, I'm sure you're not naive enough to your own cause to realize there are people that aren't genuine that do NOT really get it that are trying to bandwagon and are misrepresenting tha real frontliners out there...and unfortunately that is tha MAJORITY of tha online posts my poor peepers are forced to see all day long on tha interweb machines. I just hope you all have saved enough money over tha years to...






Buy tha new Demi Lovato album! Unbroken! Tha title is NOT referring to my heart while I listen to it because there are some real tear jerkers here but I stick to tha club bangers and guest spot tracks. I was really conflicted on whether or not to BUY it as I don't want Demi to stop cutting herself and I'm afraid if she's TOO successful she'll be too happy. No no don't take that tha wrong way! All I'm saying is that she obviously makes tha best career moves when under a low carb (aka food at all) diet and when she's...um...DETOXING herself of needless life fluid. OH!...and I like it when girls cut themselves. But who's to say this wasn't just a ploy to get her to get some press away from that Selena Gomez trick? Now don't get me wrong, Wizards of Waverly Place is tha best show on television and I LOVE Alex Russo. I just...hate Selena Gomez. Let's not forget she's tha biggest Belieber in tha joint and have you seen that little shit? Guilty by association. It's a policy you should adapt too.





I always thought she'd end up with someone offensively older than her like...George Clooney or something. But no. Clooney is railing Stacy Keibler who should really be with ME and most mornings it feels like she is since it's November and my Maxim calendar is still on January so we can wake up together.





But then I realize we'll never be together because Lindsay Lohan would find out and think this whole her being tha most important woman in my life shit has been a farce and then she's gonna cut herse-...wait a minute. I could use a new Lindsay Lohan album.