I have a lot of friends (see: "friends") who have had babies lately or are going to soon and I've noticed that tha traditional names I grew up with are dying or dead.
Back in tha 90's that you guys all seem so over-romantic about you were typically named after some other family member (or two family members shoved together if your parents did lots of drugs) [See: me!]. Sometimes you'd look up a name or virtue in a book. But you and I both know that Americans of all shapes and colors have grown progressively worse at naming children.
It's not enough to give your child a normal name and then them try to stand out on their own merits and character NAH. Now every child needs to be "unique" and "special" from tha moment they wipe off tha amniotic fluid even though all babies look exactly tha same and contribute nothing to society. They don't even KNOW their own name!
There's really 3 categories here:
1. Tha Hybrid - people will shove together two pre-existing names and make a new bastard word like "Julissa" even though chances are if you name your kid Julissa, they're gonna end up giving handjobs in tha Olive Garden parking lot in hopes of a better share of tha tips at tha end of tha night.
2. Tha Alteration - This typically involves tha letter "Y" as in "Y...ARE YOU ALLOWED TO HAVE KIDS." Usually you'll take a name like say...Brandon and make it stay pronounced tha same but spell it like Brayndynn. Don't forget that extra "N" either. That's that Brandon software update. That iOS7 for your name. All tha other Brandon who spell their names with phonics and shit might have parents that love them but they don't have Sametime and Siri.
3. Fictional Characters - I'm so glad Ocarina of Time was so pivotal in your life but you and Baby Majora can fuck right on off. As more and more adults are really just children who are allowed to buy beer and rent cars they get attached to this idea of how cool it is to be "nerdy" which means you go to midnight releases for video games and watch extremely popular film franchises. Tha more clothing items with references to your childhood, tha better too. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles youth large t-shirt? Yeh that still fits you ya fat sack of shit. Go ahead and change that profile pic. And don't get me wrong!...I'm an overgrown child too! I'm just not gonna be naming my first born accidental child Zenon. But that's also because I live so close to a CVS Pharmacy.
So think about your name and realize you're probably one of tha last to have it because this next generation is naming all of theirs kids after Pokemon and shit.
