Don't Suck: Part 3

It really bothers me...like REALLY bothers me when someone know that a person is shitty, articulates those feelings, and then gives that person attention.

Attention, positive or negative, can have a huge impact on somebody. If a shitty person never had any attention they'd probably re-evaluate what they needed to do to get it. And when you give it to them, you're saying "hey it's okay that you suck because I'll still talk to you!"

But it's not okay. It keeps tha shitty people shitty and tha good people on PAR with tha shitty ones. And it really pisses me right tha fuck off.

So be selfish with who you give your time to and make sure they're worth that time because you may not know who you're encouraging to keep sucking or discouraging from being tha difference.

Twenty. Four. Teen. Ugh.

Don't Suck: Part 2

Did you get rid of that shitty "friend"? Good. Feels good right? Probably have some extra cash now from tha gas you saved this week from not having to pick them up and drive them to Chipotle so what's tha next step?: CHOOSE A HOBBY!

Hobbies are cool because they're like friends who are available on your schedule and usually don't try to fuck your girlfriend!...usually. So what hobby to pick? Here's a couple options.

COLLECTING - this one is tha easiest because it essentially just requires you to pick something you like and put it on a shelf. When I was younger and living in Pomona I collected Chevron cars! Ya know like tha lil' cars with faces on 'em? Well they stopped production on them a couple years ago right around tha time my heart stopped producing hope! Coincidence?! PROBABLY!

INSTRUMENT - this is a fun one because you don't have to be good at it to be successful! Don't believe me? Listen to Radiohead. Also every shithead bar in America needs someone to play Wonderwall during their food&beverage night so you'll never be unemployed!

SPORTS - most/all sports are fake like hockey, football, and even my beloved basketball because that's tha only way tha Spurs lost to tha Heat last year or that tha Globetrotters win EVERY GAME but some are real! Tennis is real and has cool outfits and hot foreign babes and back in '03 I perfected my game at tha YMCA in Brooklyn while patenting my signature move: tha Unnecessary Leap Overhead Smash. Don't get caught slippin'! Yung Agassi out here!

COOKING - more specifically baking. More specifically veeg cheesecake. Most specifically for me. I'm hungry!!

Now of course there's other hobbies like guns and drugs and Star Wars but those are all for people who have nothing left to live for and most of them 'cause an unpleasant odor and that's not for you, pal! So go out there and make me a cheesecake!

2014.

Don't Suck: Part 1

Remove some toxic piece of shit from your life this week. You know who I'm talking about. They probably wear a lot of flannel or v-necks. Always taking you for granted and you let them stick around because you've known them forever or they "mean well"...

Fuck that. They're gone. They're mold. And I don't eat cheese so mold just won't do. They stand you up for dinners. They make you pay for their Red Bull. They thought Anchorman 2 was really funny. THEY'RE MOLD.

And don't replace that friend. Tha secret to fitness is having no friends!

2014.