You guys, it's time we have a frank, honest, uncomfortable and TOO LONG conversation...about Star Wars.
Listen: I know y'all are excited about these Force Awakens trailers and that's sick. You should be! Ya know why? Because it's current. It's happening now and you're able to experience it and have an emotional connection with it.
Now I know y'all are split between way older than me, and younger than me (and I wish more of you were younger but tha judge says there's limits!) so if you're 100 years old, you can stop here because I'm not talking to you and remember what tha doc said about staring at tha screen too long. But you young bucks...
HOW THA FUCK IS STAR WARS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE(S)?!
No seriously. Dorks that love Harry Potter or Twilight or whatever, yeh you're silly but I get it - you were there for tha whole thing. You have memories attached and organic appreciation...
STAR WARS?! They're cool, sure. But everything about them that you "love" happened before you were around to love it!! 'Cause I know y'all ain't hyped on tha prequels! Even though they ruled! Homie had a double-edged light sabor. Jar Jar Binks was killin' tha comic relief game. AND I KNOW NOT ONE OF YOU WENT TO SEE THA CLONE WARS MOVIE!! You were all at Tropic Thunder! As you should have been. So all this content comes out in your lifetime that's relevant to your supposed favorite shit BUT NO...
You got strong opinions about tha movies that came out 20 years before you knew not to shit yourself. I heard a young girl get mad at her friend that just saw Star Wars this week and now it's her favorite movie (WHAT?!) and she said "that's not how it works!!"...
B, YOU BETTER HOPE THAT'S HOW IT WORKS!!
Return of tha Jedi came out before I was born and I'm old as fuck. I'm at least 15 because Papa Roach's 'Infest' album came out 15 years ago."HAN SHOT FIRST" - bitch not in your lifetime! I remember seeing tha re-releases in theaters in '97 and that's tha only reality I'll give you a pass on. And even then it was tha 20TH ANNIVERSARY. Holy shit it's so dated looking you coulda told me it was a Public Broadcasting special.
Star Wars looks how a Led Zeppelin album sounds;
"Oh this is cool. Dated as fuck and I bet was real neat back when electricity was new and I appreciate it but thank God things got SO MUCH BETTER after this."
It's all a part of multiple tropes in clowns these days:
First there's over-romanticizing something they weren't a part of like pretending tha Beatles would even be able to headline your local coffee shop if they came out in 2015 (tha worst song off of Bangerz is better than tha best Beatles song of all time) [for tha record, tha worst Bangerz track is 'My Darlin' and tha best Beatles song is 'Yellow Submarine' because it puts them in peril of drownning] or how sick a barely lived-in era was. ("Remember listening to tha radio?! ONLY '90S KIDS WILL GET THIS LOL :D ~~~ )
Tha other is this desire to be a "nerd."
:|
My point is, if you wanna be a loser well...you've already nailed it but here's a list of trilogies/franchises that came out while you were actually aware of tha world around you that are definitely more relevant to your life than 1977 Star Wars:
Dark Knight Trilogy
Addams Family
Bourne
Matrix
Kill Bill
Friday
Aladdin
Hunger Games
Narnia
Men In Black
Ice Age
Shrek
Hell, if you wanna stick in that same category of shit that REALLY came out a hundred years ago but got reborn with recent movies, I'll even give you a pass on tha Hobbit/Ring Lords.
Anyway tha point I'm making is tha first Star Wars movies are good. But they're good in tha same way tha first planes tha Wright Brothers made were good...Tha groundwork they laid is neat but I'm not trinna give them any more credit than they deserve any more than I wanna fly to Cali on tha Kittyhawk.
A historically accurate aviation analogy during my whine piece about idiots liking Star Wars in a world where Christopher Nolan exists?! They said it couldn't be done I said NAY!!!
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