Raw is Rainbro: VICKIE POWER!

A.J. is seen 'addressing' Kane, Punk, and Bryan. I was hoping it'd end up being like cardboard cut out from FYE. She's really selling tha whole 'crazy' thing and though I don't necessarily "dig crazy chicks", I am experienced with them! Hi mom.

Vickie is tha GM for tha week and first of all...Vickie is hot. I don't even care. Also she was kind of a member of LayCool at one point so I'm slightly biased. More Vickie normally means more Ziggler so I'm down with all of this so far. She announces a triple threat elimination and this is tha best way to start off Raw. Great wrestling and purposeful story progress. Vickie for president.



Bryan gets tha win here on a weakened Punk which is perfect. It sets up Bryan to claim deserving another title shot, Punk doesn't look weak here because he just beat Kane 10 damn seconds ago, and we get more Punk/Bryan which is a feud I'm okay with lasting longer than tha Undertaker's streak.

AJ comes out which is all she needs to do. She's tha most complex character in wrestling right now (which is...good and bad I guess. For now I'll say good) and she further involves herself in what tha ultimate result of all of this will be. Girl needs new music though. She's a psycho but her music makes you think of a L'Oreal commercial.



Del Rio and Ziggler argue about being #1 contender. Vickie decides on a Contract-On-a-Pole match. Weird, but different! I like it!...well. I accept it!

Next Clay vs. Big Show. This is as slow and boring as you'd get but Big Show takes tha win. Not via chokeslam or WMD but just because he's fat. Tha worst part about this is Clay finally has his first loss and tha announcers don't put it over at all! For weeks...MONTHS "he hasn't been beaten!" and he finally is and they don't say one damn thing. Why wouldn't they use that to further put over Big Show as a heel? Where is Otunga in this? Also, good thing more happened during tha commercial break 'cause I LOVE COMMERCIALS. Stupid.



Brock Lesnar next week will answer Triple H's challenge 2 weeks ago for a match in 7 weeks!



Swagger vs. Jack Swagger. This match was actually not bad! I desperately wanted Swagger to win though because he needs something so he doesn't plummet to irrelevancy without Ziggler now. Santino has made tha U.S. Title worthless as even mentioned by tha announcers saying he hasn't defended tha title in months. Santino is over without tha belt. Either make him a serious competitor in tha ring or give tha title to someone who needs it. Sidenote: I'd be way more into Santino if he changed tha cobra sock from green to gold and came out to Limp Bizkit. And you would too.



Cena comes out to make a HISTORIC ANNOUNCEMENT. I know it's historic because he told me so. He starts yappin' about Star Wars and then tha best thing happens!!!!! Chris Jericho makes his return, with no Fozzy performance. That's a double positive. Jericho tells Cena to quit being a clown and make his announcement. Then Cena blows my mind by...

ENTERING MONEY IN THA BANK. This actually IS historic and legit excited me. Usually MitB is 6 guys all who are mid-card trying to get their moment to shine but high-profile names like Jericho and Cena in it is huge. Well done.

Jericho gives Cena a reality check that MitB isn't fun and games and Cena shouldn't just assume victory because a ladder match ain't no joke! This rules. I'm psyched. Moving forward.



I love Heath Slater as tha Reverse Legend Killer - where legends kill him. I also love nostalgia and I also love Psycho Sid. Sid Vicious. My dude. JCW. He looks good and I'm glad to see guys like him and Vader getting to come out and squash tha One-Man Rock Band. Short, sweet, to tha point, and really does tha job of keeping us aware and excited about July 23rd's 1000th Episode.



Ziggler and Del Rio battle it out for tha contract on tha pole! I enjoyed tha cat and mouse hot potato between tha 2 at tha end and both of these guys are great in tha ring. Sheamus comes out and says "arses" a bunch but in between announced Smackdown! will have a triple threat (tret) match for tha strap! NICE! Wrestling announced for tha wrestling show! I can dig it.

SOCIAL COMMENTARY: Tha WWE Universe would rather A.J. Lee be with all 3 dudes than just Daniel Bryan. Discuss.



Summertime Divas Battle Royal! A bunch of babes...and Beth Phoenix. In beachwear. I felt like this would have been tha best time to bring Kharma in but she wasn't so instead tha Divas champion gets eliminated but not after stomping Beth's face so I endorse it. Also A.J. hits some BDB "YES! YES! YES!"s further confusing us and making this segment relevant. I'll allow it.

Jericho vs. Cena. A good match between two veterans. Big Show interferes which makes sense to an extent because they'll all be in MitB but why is he still attacking Cena? This is like Nicki Minaj still making songs about Lil' Kim: move on. Kane should have come out since we also know he'll be in tha match and evened tha odds. Hopefully they add 2 more competitors for that match and not leave it at 4 to really make it more dynamic. Guys like Miz and/or Del Rio could really complete this.



So what did we learn?

Bryan vs. Punk at MitB
Clay had his first loss and no one cares.
Triple Threat on Smackdown!
Sid is still psycho.
AJ is still crazy.
Layla is still hot.
Big Show is still fat.

Autonomy

So I originally was going to post about my top albums of 2011 but...I just kept on writing down Femme Fatale over and over again so while I work on that I decided I'd put tha TV on for some background noise because people talk on it and makes me feel like I have friends! But I realized not very good ones (art imitates life!) because very few shows really stick with me. I mean sure I watch wrestling every day but there's only a couple shows I really care about and, more importantly, that really care about me.





Tha Walking Dead. I don't mean to spoil this for you, but zombies have taken over tha world (much like vampires soon will because you keep romanticizing them!) and there's a handful of white people, an Asian whose parents are probably ashamed of him, and a black guy that are trying to make it out there! I know it's an apocalypse because this haggard bitch Lori has somehow been railed out by both tha main male characters...and they don't even regret it! They're practically fighting over her! Tha zombie apocalypse has made them prison gay for ugly girls.






Now, given, my dream girl is a teenage single mom wigger babe with purple and teal hair but there's no way in a world where Kristen Bell is still making movies would Glen find Maggie hot. But this is how we know tha world is over. There's no Kristen Bell.






Now I hear a lot about this show Sons of Anarchy but I've never seen it because I don't own any denim vests and I'm too busy spending Tuesday nights watching THA LOONEY TUNES SHOW. "Oh yeah I used to watch that all tha ti-" NO YOU DIDN'T. This is a 2011 relaunch of tha franchise and it is, in all likelyhood tha greatest animated series of all time. I know you guys thought it was Tha Tick






but here's tha thing: Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck...LIVE together...and their neighbors are Yosemite Sam, Sylvester & Tweety, Gossamer, Speedy lives inside their house, Porky is just always like...around and they have a character way hotter than anyone on Walking Dead: Lola Bunny. Oh Lola. We've come a long way since Space Jam <3.




Wizards of Waverly Place it goes without saying is tha greatest show on television. Sadly it is coming to an end with only a few episodes left in tha entire series! This is really a big blow to sitcoms because Wizards has:


- tha hottest TV mom of all time,




- tha hottest sitcom girlfriend,


- and tha hottest TV brother




At least that's what my dad says. Other than that...5 years late I finally love 30 Rock. I originally saw it and was like "nah" but now I watched season 4 and I'm like..."yeh." It actually has a continuous plot and isn't just random episodes thrown together like tha first season seemed to be. It's like Sex and tha City for people that like shows that are funny and don't have 4 women in their post menapause eras pretending they're still hot. Actually it's a cast of tha most important people in my life, namely Tina Fey




and Alec Baldwin. Tina who wrote tha greatest movie of all time, Mean Girls and Alec Baldwin who is down for animal rights and in Tha Cat in tha Hat. OMG Dakota Fanning.

IGNYTSTFU

"Tha economy is in shambles blah blah" LISTEN...I have REAL problems okay? For one, this fucking Taco Bell is outta Baja Blast. Occupy THAT! Also, I haven't had tha easiest time locating Pumpkin Spice Silk this year. Now I contacted my congressman about that and he told me to go find a pumpkin soy cow and laughed at me. REAL FUNNY. Now I know what you're expecting here: me to either defend Occupy: Wall Street like Man Overboard defends pop-punk or to attack it and tell you why it's stupid like a sequel to Stay Alive. Although Stay Alive did have Peter from Heroes. Heroes was a good show. I know posers who started watching it after it went off tha air don't blog about it like Lost (see: 90% of Tumblr), but it ruled. And never really concluded. Kinda like when I went and saw Twilight. I left once Kevin from tha O.C. started chasing Kristen Stewart so that way, it would never end in my mind!




What was my point?


Oh yeah.


Posers.


So Occupy Wall Street, also known as First World Problems, is actually a great cause, message, and idea. But unfortunately tha messengers of tha message are not really who should be actin' like they know what they're talking about. Fighting for a civil liberty isn't quite tha same as fighting for a credit score. When you're barely out of your teens, unemployed, never OCCUPIED...a job, and never paid taxes I'm gonna need ya to shut tha fuck up. When you spent $150,000 on a degree and can't find a lot of work as an injury lawyer (maybe next time don't go to Yale? Or...major in tha handbells or whatever) I'm gonna need ya to shut tha fuck up. If you liked tha movie (500) Days of Summer? IGNYTSTFU.








If you truly advocate OWS, I'm sure you're not naive enough to your own cause to realize there are people that aren't genuine that do NOT really get it that are trying to bandwagon and are misrepresenting tha real frontliners out there...and unfortunately that is tha MAJORITY of tha online posts my poor peepers are forced to see all day long on tha interweb machines. I just hope you all have saved enough money over tha years to...






Buy tha new Demi Lovato album! Unbroken! Tha title is NOT referring to my heart while I listen to it because there are some real tear jerkers here but I stick to tha club bangers and guest spot tracks. I was really conflicted on whether or not to BUY it as I don't want Demi to stop cutting herself and I'm afraid if she's TOO successful she'll be too happy. No no don't take that tha wrong way! All I'm saying is that she obviously makes tha best career moves when under a low carb (aka food at all) diet and when she's...um...DETOXING herself of needless life fluid. OH!...and I like it when girls cut themselves. But who's to say this wasn't just a ploy to get her to get some press away from that Selena Gomez trick? Now don't get me wrong, Wizards of Waverly Place is tha best show on television and I LOVE Alex Russo. I just...hate Selena Gomez. Let's not forget she's tha biggest Belieber in tha joint and have you seen that little shit? Guilty by association. It's a policy you should adapt too.





I always thought she'd end up with someone offensively older than her like...George Clooney or something. But no. Clooney is railing Stacy Keibler who should really be with ME and most mornings it feels like she is since it's November and my Maxim calendar is still on January so we can wake up together.





But then I realize we'll never be together because Lindsay Lohan would find out and think this whole her being tha most important woman in my life shit has been a farce and then she's gonna cut herse-...wait a minute. I could use a new Lindsay Lohan album.

Stronger Than Dirt

I haven't had a computer in a long time because apparently torrent downloading tha entire series of "Street Frogs" and "Samurai Pizza Cats" has hidden viral consequences. But now I am back on tha QWERTY ready to Google what a Netflix is and if that Jack White/ICP thing is real.







But before I do that, I gotta eat. And as you know, it IS PFE (Pumpkin Fucking Everything) season so I heard about a new spic spot opening down tha way and decided to see if they had pumpkin tacos. My waitress told me I took her "vegan virginity" by being tha first to order from tha vegan menu. I told her that was ironic since most vegans are, in fact, virgins.





Tha only thing cool about being vegan other than pissing your parents off is that it gives you an excuse to eat weird shit because it's already fucking weird you won't eat a Monster Burger. This is why I'll put Vegenaise of fucking...ANYTHING. Sandwiches? Yes. Chinese food? Absolutely. Cupcakes? Non issue. I'll put Vegenaise...on more Vegenaise!





But probably my favorite thing to put Vegenaise in is ramen noodles. I've never used seasoning in my ramen because tha foil packet it comes in scares tha shit outta me. I used to date a girl (huh? I thought you were ga-) who told me she has NEVER eaten ramen before. Initially, I was blown away but then I thought about things she'd done that I'd never done before. I've never smoked a crack pipe before and she didn't judge ME for it so I guess we were just from two different worlds.

MAC Flag

Today is a pretty historic event. Ya see I consider myself quite a wrestling fan. And not that fake shit they do at tha Olympics, but tha real deal with gold belts and Goldbergs. Aside from Royal Rumble 2010 and Wrestlemania 27 which I attended however, I find it difficult to actually purchase PPVs. I'd rather go to a local sports bar and suck down Shirley Temples and watch it than drop $44.99 on something I'm going to watch once. But tonight I'm willing to crack open a couple RRs in Eden and see history go down at MONEY IN THA BANK.









Cha-ching bitch! I've been jumping off of ladders onto strangers all day in preparation. If you didn't want to spill your latte, maybe you shouldn't have just gotten Boom Dropped homie! And if you don't know what a Boom Drop is, maybe you shouldn't be racist.



Ya know Monday Night Raw is actually tha longest running episodic program on television. Some people think it's tha Simpsons. Some other people also thing pineapple or black olives are acceptable pizza toppings. What I'm getting at is, all those people are wrong. But one show that has GOT to be in tha runnings is Power Rangers. These motherfuckers are 19 seasons deep! NINETEEN! You mean you couldn't save tha universe in 19 seasons? Tha problem here is that they got greedy with their heroism. See I fucked with MMPR haaaaard...for tha first 5 seasons. Tha seasons they were on EARTH. When they went to space? I was out. I don't live in space. I don't care if space gets saved. It just lost some realism to me. Magic martial arts powers and body controlled robots to fight evil mythical powers? Sure. Magic martial arts powers and body controlled robots to fight evil mythical powers IN SPACE?! Take that shit to tha mall. I had trouble believing tha trip to Phaedos for tha Ninjetti powers but then they returned to Earth and handled Ivan Ooze not to mention that straight banger off tha soundtrack with tha "uh oh. we're in trouble." Um you're goddamn right you're in trouble. There's a full grown man that just hatched out of an egg here. Time to go get some powers from space and then what? That's right. COME BACK. Take what you need and leave. It's tha American way. (Aww political undertone :| ).




New 311 album out TUESDAY! 07/19/2011. Here's tha first (and probably only) single off of it. If you've ever heard a 311 album then you've heard this song a couple dozen times before a.k.a. it rules.

Juggalo Youth for a Florence-Free America

I just received tha 2nd mixtape anyone's ever made for me; tha first was from my second girlfriend​ called "Do You Love Me?" [tha answer would turn out to be no] - This one is called "Return of tha Real" and given to me from a guy named "Bugz" who sells hard rocks 2 blocks down tha street. I'd call that an improvement.




It's funny how music can motivate you to wanna do things. For example, this CD makes me want to go sell drugs in a school zone whereas Britney Spears new album "Femme Fatale" makes me want to TAKE copious amounts of drugs, turn on a strobe light, and fuck anything I can find. And hopefully what I find is that babe from tha new Transformers movie Shia LaBeo- I mean uh... tha bitch who plays Carly. I bet she pronounces water like "war-tuh". That's silly. Take that shit back to tha mall in Hogwarts. Diagon Alley right? See, I read a book once!




I read tha first Harry Potter and then read tha 2nd one and realized I'd just read tha same book twice. I didn't need to read tha other ones to know that V-Mort is gonna come back and Har-Po is gonna beat him. I need something with more depth and mystery. Something like Winnie tha Pooh. Where tha fuck is all tha honey? Why do Heffalumps live in a forrest? Is Tigger molesting Roo? See this is real literature. And Eeyore is my DUDE. You're welcome for noticin' you homie!




In conclusion, I've been jamming hard thanks to my friend DFR who obviously GETS me. She told me to check this 17 year old Taylor Bright out and I knew I was going to love it as soon as I saw "17." Turns out in addition to being a babe she has this banger called "Psycho" so here it is.

PROHOMO

I recently tried to use Tumblr and that shit was whack. I don't get why people use it though I'm into tha numetal spelling where they leave out one vowel. I also was going to try doing a video blog, a v-blo, but I realized I need either a tripod or a camera man. A Freddie if you will. A Freddie to me, Carly. So here we are. Back to tha blogspot. Feels RIGHT. So guess what? Gay marriage is legal in New York! How cool is that?! From what I understand it's just tha RECOGNITION of gay marriage is legal versus marriages being able to happen within tha state but either way it's pretty cool and leave us with only 10-15 more states to get on board. I say 10-15 because like...I don't really give a fuck if somewhere like...Wyoming legalizes gay marriage. They have like 6 people per square mile and 5 of those people are goats. Speaking of gay people, I'm more than just a lesbian hairscut and a love for Tegan and Sara. That being said I'm currently selling these PROHOMO bracelets to help raise money for EveryoneIsGay.com which is an outreach site for people dealing with being gay whether it be coming out to their parents or just questions about feelings they might be having. PRETTY FUCKING COOL. And tha girls that run it are total babes.



I'm so upset about this Casey Anthony trial. I'm so upset that people think I know what tha fuck they're talking about. Who is Casey Anthony? Is she on tha Disney Channel? Then get tha fuck outta here. Ya know who was on tha Disney Channel? One Christy Carlson Romano.



Louis Stevens is Transformerizing and Disturbiatuding and Eagle Eyeing, Dad Stevens is holdin' it down on Secret Life but where is sweet Ren? She was so hot she needed 3 names (like Amy Jo Johnson and Melissa Joan Hart). Those braces. That pissy attitude. Talk about a dreamboat AND she voiced Kim Possible who's easily tha hottest Disney Channel cartoon character. I guess that's not hard to beat Phineas or Penny Proud but tha facts remain. I'd probably date a girl who dressed like KP. I'd probably date a girl who used tha phrase "what's tha sitch?" when inquiring to me what movie we were gonna go see or which Limp Bizkit album we're gonna listen to.



Hopefully tha movie she is selecting is tha new Transformers and tha Limp Bizkit album is GOLD COBRA. Rarely do I get real real psyched on an album coming out that I need to get it on release date at 10am with a backwards baseball cap on to top off my black t-shirt and cuffed khakis but this was an exception and it payed tha fuck off. So I leave you jammin' to John Otto takin' it to tha Matthews Bridge.

BRING IT ON.