White-Knuckling Youth

Last weekend I journeyed with to the worthless and uninteresting city of Norfolk (pronounced "nofuck") City located in the Virgin state. And after seeing the girls in VA I see why they're virgins. I understand the Nofuck phonics. Even the scumbag skinhead Navy dudes wouldn't fuck with that. So why did I go there? TWO. SKINNEE. MOTHERFUCKING J'S. (who?) Only the greatest live band of all time. Yes my favorite band decided to white-knuckle youth a little harder than usual and put their costumes on for 2 hours at the Norva. And sure, Eddie Eyeball is nearly bald and pushing 50, the man can still execute both notes of his bassline with fucking prowess.I spoke with Spesh, who I hadn't seen in like 5 years and he was saying that I was all grown up now. And he didn't need a calendar to make that judgement call, all he needed to see was my fucking Blackberry! Proving the point I've been making: blackberry = grownup. I'm sure your sidekick is fun to swivel all day long but it makes you look like a prick. And I've never met anyone with an iPhone...that I didn't hate. Oh and if you have a Blackberry Pearl...you don't have a Blackberry. QWERTY or die faggot. The Pearl is to the Blackberry what Josie and the Pussycats is to Letters to Cleo.

Josie and the Pussycats is a real sick movie though (R.I.P. Rachel Leigh Cook 1999-2001.) Although Rosario Dawson doesn't look too fly in it. Not like her flawlessness in Clerks 2. I can see it now... Me and Rosario talking about ass to mouth on the beach. Yo California beach, not Charleston. What the fuck is with the sand here? Its not even sand its like glitter. And not because it shimmers but because it never gets off you! Once you get sand on you here that is now a part of you. That's why whenever I get a job, I'm going to quit by throwing glitter in the face of my boss. The ultimate fuck you.