I don't listen to vinyl because I own an iPOD.

I've come to the conclusion you can't back into a parking space and not be an asshole. Like...there's never an actual need to back into a space. I can't imagine the mental dialogue.


"It could take up to 4 minutes in this Starbucks and I don't wanna be late for the Early Bird special at the japanese steakhouse (I use chopsticks. It makes me feel so ethnic! But still superior) so I'm going to put this Prius in reverse so I can get the fuck out asap after this double soy sugar free vanilla cappucino! No foam please. What do you mean that's what makes a cappucino? Listen buddy I've been drinking coffee from gas stations for years, I think I know what a cappucino is. This is a really long mental dialogue I'm having. I wonder if I TiVo'd Idol. I really do miss Paula. I hope she's okay. OHHHH but that Simon!"


The Olympics are on which means...yes. Fewer latenight musical guests and therefore less Lady Gaga and Ke$ha appearences. I for one can't live like this. Cool Runnings was a sweet movie but I'm not trinna watch Curling, mainly because I don't think if it's a sport if a broom is involved. A broom?! It better be an all women's team!...I'm just kidding. Women can't play sports. But what chaos will return when the Olympics are over? I mean you wanna talk about signs of the apocalypse? How about this: Conan being fired from the Tonight Show and Jimmy Fallon still being allowed to be on TV! There's your four horsemen and locusts and shit right there! I wonder if Carson ever gets bummed he's not even CONSIDERED for the promotion to Late Night...but yet Jimmy Fallon still has a show. That's probably why he paints his nails.



I haven't been to the movies in a really long time. I feel like that's all I used to talk about is movies but I guess Lindsay Lohan has been sidelined a little and Marvel heroes are taking their time with sequels so I guess I can just rewatch all the old Batmans. Batman & Robin always gets a lot of shit which I think is fucked up because...Uma Thurman is in it. You don't diss Uma! Are you kidding me?! Also how can you NOT appreciate those witty ice references from the governor of California such as "stay cool", "cold shoulder", "revenge is a dish best served cold", and "we aim to freeze". GET IT?! We aim to FREEZE! Instead of we aim to please! It's a pun. You know like a play on words? I'll explain it later. Anyway, with all its awesome faults, B&R's worst crime has gotta be...



Alicia Silverstone. What the FUCK! A fat batgirl? Thanks alot. In a hollywood blockbuster with (at the time) huge names like Chris O'Donnell [Party of Five - Lacey Chabert - Mean Girls. I have to support him] and George Clooney you couldn't get a good looking Batgirl?


"Silverstone was the first and only choice for the role."


BY WHO?! Who made this choice? Probably Jimmy Fallon.


Christina Ricci couldn't bleach her hair for the Batgirl role but she could do Black Snake Moan?! Tori Spelling couldn't get her dad to buy it for her? #ThisIsNotRealLife


But those were the days. Wholesome, character enriching movies like Batman & Robin and Sandlot and Free Willy. I was told today that Shamu killed his trainer today and the world is in shock. Shamu as you may know is the killer whale from Free Willy. What's that? What kind of whale? Oh a killer whale. It came as a surprise to all of us that he killed somebody. Shamu. The killer whale.


I did of course love Alicia Silverstone when she was skinnee and in Clueless with the fallen angel Brittany Murphy. Oh Brittany. I was so sad the day she died. Brittany Murphy was more than just an amazing actress and a loving person...

she was a total hottie who made me wanna drill Dr. Pepper can sized holes in my wall. Now yes she was in Clueless and 8 Mile and sure, I had to toss a couple pairs of perfectly good Lee Pipes out because of those movies but Miss Murphy had other roles that were much more important and impactful on my life that are often overlooked:

1. The Torkelsons - the first time I UNDERSTOOD what a boner was. But alas, I knew not what to do with it.

2. King of the Hill - the first time I wanted to fuck a cartoon character. (But it wouldnt't be the last. I wouldn't see "Cool World" til years later though.)

3. and finally Spun - the first time I wanted to fuck a drug addict. I wouldn't ACTUALLY fuck a drug addict until late 2008. But this is where the dream was born.

So join me as I mourn a true influence on my life and remember...the Bosstones were in Clueless too.