QWERTY or Die

Fonez!

They're apart of our lives. In fact, they're part of my very well-being and income. Not because I work for a phone company or service provider...but because it's how I communicate to my clients when slangin' 8-Balls to 8 yr olds. But the war on drugs is for another post (because that's obviously what foolofgold has to take to be able to not only LISTEN to Carnifex but think they're good. He probably likes Oceano). What we're here to discuss is the waaaaaave of new handsets that are currently running our lives. If your Sidekick recently broke, I unfortunately don't have a spare one for you to use but I DO have a spare calendar for you to check that it's 2010 and other phones have a fucking keyboard. If your phone does NOT have a keyboard, I have a spare candyphone because that's about as useful as your shit is to me.

Now I know the iPhone 4G just dropped and to quite a bit of fanfare. Fanfare is what they call it when people make fun of something because it can't work when it's not held a certain way right? The iPhone I understand is cool. I'm not naive to it. What I didn't understand however was the iPad. It's a big phone? It's a small computer? But now I get it. Sometimes the iPhone isn't big enough to do the big line of coke that white teenage girls need. The iPad allows that stream to at least double to the point you are so high you think Twilight is a good movie. Which also explains the success of Twilight! I should be a detective. I'm in the wrong business. Just kidding! I bet detective work doesn't pay as much as these schoolyard kids do with their parent's money for blow.

I think Sprint has a phone but I haven't acknowledged their existence since Murphy Brown stopped being their spokesperson. Android has been taking over. The Nexus (or you're against us) One, the Droid, and variations of it have all slowly been replacing what used to be dominant forces in the cell phone game like Palm and Samsung.

Also, Androids have always been cool. Look at Terminator, okay? Cool. Close Encounters of the Third Kind? Also cool. Fourth Kind the movie was pretty cool. I believe it all as fact because Milla at the beginning tells me it is and I believe everything she tells me. Not like that hussy Zoey in 500 Days of Summer. I'm really distracting from the main point. The point is this:

This shit is out August 13th! Ramona is such a bitch but she's obviously crazy and probably has a drinking problem so she is one eating disorder away from all the girls I date.