These are tha hard-hitting issues I need addressed by my candidates. Taxes? Foreign policy? Not interested. Tell me about things I care about. Tha economy can WAIT; I will vote for whatever candidate's platform includes OPENING THA DISNEY VAULT. Also I want cake pops abolished. Why are you eating one bite of cake on a skewer? WHY are you not just eating a cupcake?! Legit question.
But I can't wait to vote in November!...
What? No not for tha president. For X-Factor. If you're not watching X-Factor this season, fuck you. Straight up. Demi Lovato, Britney Spears, and more hot awkward high schoolers than you can shake a stick at!
[Sidenote: don't try to shake a stick at them, especially near a school zone]. [Side Sidenote: people keep on asking 'WHY BRITNEY SPEARS' but if ya hafta ask why a 12 time Teen Choice Award nominee's a celebrity judge then you don't really understand what tha word "celebrity" means."]
Whenever they say how old they are and it ends in "-teen" tha crowd goes WILD! As if they KNOW what I'm THINKING! If it ain't a teenage babe, it's some dad with a kid trying to make money to support them turning me into Britney TEARS...ya know?!...like crying? Not to mention Demi's hair is like purple and gold. Pretty sure she got all my letters and is flirting with me.
Halloween is coming up y'all! [I'm going as a mouse...duh?] I'm sure lots of girls will try and be mermaids because they say they already are. Oh you're a mermaid? Go breathe underwater then for 10 minutes and get at me. Nah, you just dyed your hair red. And don't get me wrong! I looove girls with red hair. Not so much natural red, but bright and fake like your personality and "love for animals." Hey maybe that's what you can go as for halloween!...
Tha person you pretend to be on tha internet.
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