There's just something about arbitrarily ranking things that really gets me going, ESPECIALLY when it's something that other human people have poured their heart & soul into and here I am just deciding it sucks or just isn't as good as someone else's. It's like a better paying jury duty!
There's also nothing like tha validation that I feel when I agree with someone else's opinion nor the absolute CONTEMPT I feel when I don't. CHECK WITH ME BEFORE DECIDING HOW YOU FEEL.
I've listened to over a hundred albums this year because I have lots of free time and millions of dollars so if you see something you think I missed, I didn't; I just didn't like it! AND NEITHER DID YOU.
So without further ado, here's my (AND YOUR) favorite albums of 2014.
30. downset. - One Blood
Back in my day you weren't born into hardcore, you started at being a nu-metal mall goth, worked your way into tha "scene" bands, and THEN you GRADUATED into hardcore. It was a right of passage and a pilgrimage that is missed these days and that's why you're all nerds. But as a young youth (tha best kind of youth) downset. kind of bridged tha gap between them all and so when I found out this year they'd be putting out a new album after 10 years I was pretty psyched. Tha album plays out almost as tribute to themselves and tha title track crushes today like "Anger" did on their first album a hundred million years ago. Sick.
29. K.R.I.T. - Cadillactica
Big K.R.I.T. is tha David Banner I always wanted - a smart dude from Mississippi who uses his brilliance to make music, not just in interviews. Cadillactica isn't my favorite album by tha King Remembered in Time and as a whole isn't consistent but songs like "King of tha South" are hype enough on their own to earn it a spot in my heart and on this list.
28. Darkest Hour – Darkest Hour
Since Darkest Hour released their first singles online from this album everyone I know said it was awful, but upon listening to it finally I can add another reason to my list of why I hate everyone I know. This record kills! Is it tha blastbeat breakneck metal that DH built their career on? No. But how much fun can that be after so many albums. This is full of catchy hooks, lots of singing (including a duet with a female vocalist which is an automatic like for me), and is one of tha best straight up rock albums I've ever heard combined with their technical prowess they're known for.
27. Crosses – Crosses
I know most of tha songs on this joint came out last year(s)[?] spread across EPs, but tha newer songs are some of my favorites and I'm all about qualifying due to a technicality! Like when you're trying out for tha softball team and your birthday is in January where you'd be too old but registration is in January so you can sign up anyway and can scalp cigarettes to all tha other younger kids? Remember? ANYWAY, if you don't know Crosses is Chino from tha Deftones and lots of other bands that don't matter along with tha guitarist from Far and it's a good match. Not quite as boring as Team Sleep but not as aggro as tha Deftones, Crosses really hits that sweet spot in between.
26. New Found Glory – Resurrection
I come from tha era that existed before 2006 where liking pop-punk was STRICTLY for teenage girls and you didn't show up to see Sick of It All in a Blink 182 shirt and make it out alive versus now when it's basically a requirement. However, I tend to like things designed for teenage girls so neither rule applies to me! NFG's last album "Radiosurgery" was pretty unlistenable which might be part of what makes "Resurrection" sound so much better and tha loss of 2nd guitarist/statutory rapist Cyrus doesn't seem to have slowed them down. In fact, maybe "Radiosurgery" was his fault! But if you've ever heard a New Found Glory album before, then you've heard this one too. That doesn't keep it from being fast, fun, and bouncy.
25. Genuflect – Rose From tha Dead
I've been a life-long champion and martyr of nu-metal and am both excited and terrified to see it resurging over the past couple of years. But whereas bands these days will tag themselves with tha genre for hype and not really have anything sounding like it, and even more don't really do anything to distinguish their brand of it from anything else in tha "metalcore" world, Genuflect are some OG's. Born from tha ashes of nu gods Reveille and 7th Rail Crew, Genuflect are tha epitome of everything awesome and that I loved originally about white dudes rapping over drop-tuned guitars. With this, their third album, they come a little more raw than previous efforts and at sometimes a little weirder ("Fish Bowl") but not in a bad way. Bounce.
24. Killjoy Club – Reindeer Games
Insane Clown Posse + Three Six Mafia = tha Killjoy Club. It shouldn't be as good as it is. Tha beats hit super hard and tha songs are hype and aggressive and shy away from tha more cartoonish nuances of ICP. Tha disc hurts from having simply too many songs and even tha best ones seem to run a little too long with how repetitive tha choruses are. Also Crunchy Black of Three Six is pretty awful and always has been. We miss you Juicy J. Shining moments on each track though come from uncredited group member "Young Wicked" who despite having tha worst name, has easily tha best verse on every song he's on which...is most of them. If a 2nd album happens hopefully they make him an official member.
23. In This Moment – Black Widow
When I first heard this album...I didn't know what it was. I didn't hate it I just didn't get it. Tha first track "Sex Metal Barbie" is some pseudo-rap over techno-ish beats and what I assume tha band thinks is "metal" guitars. It's not bad. I just have no idea what it is. BUT...it's a female-fronted band and you'll notice that gets a gold star from me from tha get-go. Tha first album on this list to have a female vocal presence but certainly not tha last, In This Moment provides some interesting atmospheres throughout "Black Widow." There's quite a few catchy cool songs on here and I guess at tha very least I have to give them props for just GOING FOR IT...I'm just still trying to figure out what "it" is.
22. La Roux – Trouble in Paradise
WHAT?! A second girl vocalist already?! On her second album, tha singer of tha hit "Bulletproof" from a couple of years ago not only outdoes herself, but makes one of tha best pop albums of tha year. What's so sick about La Roux is that it's such blind 80's worship that doesn't sound dated and gimmick-y. Also, they play this shit in Express when I'm tryin' on my joggers so I associate her with 50% OFF EVERYTHING IN THA STORE WHAT THA FUCK ARE YOU DOING BUY EVERY 1MX SHIRT IN EVERY COLOR MAYBE RED LIKE ROUX GET IT HAHA POP MUSIC. But seriously, for a gal who lost her whole band and decided to go it alone, this is a triumph and I can't wait to hear part 3.
21. RiFF RAFF – Neon Icon
If you woulda told me back when homie was on G's to Gents on VH1 that years later he'd put out one of my favorite albums of 2014 I'd say "UNLIKELY, MAN" but yet...here we are. RiFF RAFF whereas a total cartoon character, delivers a fairly musically diverse debut from simple trap beats ("Tip Toe Wing In My Jawwdinz") to borderline pop-punk ("Kokayne"). My dude is definitely not a poet and I'm not even sure if most of these songs rhyme, but he's served up an entertaining collection here with a few surprise guest spots (Mike Posner, Childish Gambino) that really accent things. Normally I'd say don't judge an album by its cover but...LOOK AT THAT COVER! PRETTY MUCH SUMS IT UP!
20. Lacuna Coil – Broken Crown Halo
This album is on this list for tha same reason "Tha Bodyguard" sountrack is one of tha best selling albums of all time...
One song.
"Zombies" is one of my favorite songs of tha year and probably because it's a catchy pop-metal song sung by a female vocalist with thinly veiled goth tendencies. This album caught me by surprise by how much I liked it because Lacuna Coil has been a band for a long time and have never cranked out a full-length I liked tha full length of. However, "Broken Crown Halo" is full of great songs of which, like I said, "Zombies" is my favorite in a walk. Jam this one at your next mall goth séance to try and talk to tha ghost of Aubrey Plaza's career.
19. St. Vincent – St. Vincent
I got my first exposure to St. Vincent on 2012's collaboration effort with David Byrne "Love This Giant." I really liked it which surprised me because I never liked tha Talking Heads, old dudes, or girls that look like old dudes. This album is super weird as is St. Vincent and I'm sure it's on purpose but I ain't mad at it. I can't tell if she shreds or riffs or what but there's definitely guitar and songs like "Birth in Reverse" and "Digital Witness" are awesome in all their weirdness.
18. Machine Head – Bloodstone & Diamonds
Machine Head rules. Always has. "Tha Burning Red" and "Supercharger" are tha best, tha shit before that you over-romanticize rules, and tha shit after that that's not given enough credit rules. SO IT IS NO SURPRISE...that this album rules. It's not my favorite metal album of tha year but it's damn close and it has all tha things that make Machine Head awesome: sick riffs, heavy breakdowns, nonsensical lyrics, noises as lyrics, and songs that should be too long but never outstay their welcome.
17. Megan & Liz – Simple Life
Meg (can I call ya Meg?) & Liz are basically Aly & AJ reincarnated. I'm not sure how they're not tha biggest pop act in tha world but they must be confused too because with this new EP they switched things up and did a country album. Now for those of who you don't know, country music is 2014 is exactly tha same thing as pop-rock but you say things with slight twangs and throw a mandolin in tha background. What does that mean for me and my relationship to this record?...I DIDN'T HAVE TO ADJUST AT ALL! I love it just as much as their other stuff and I hope they finally blow up so they'll play a show outside of their local county fair for once.
16. 311 – Stereolithic
311 have been my favorite band since I was 6, and now that we're both over a hundred years old neither of us have changed anything about ourselves and we're both still awesome. "Stereolithic" has some of tha band's heaviest songs in their history with "Showdown" and "Five of Everything" and one of my favorite ever in "Simple Truth." As a whole this isn't my favorite 311 album, but definitely not my least favorite and a great record to chill out in tha sun drinking bevs with umbrellas in them. Mini-umbrellas. Don't drink out of containers that can fit full-size umbrellas, please.
15. Bane – Don't Wait Up
Bane are one of tha bands that first got me into hardcore, once I knew what it was. Bands like Throwdown, 18 Visions, and downset. were some of my favorite bands already but I had no idea what "hardcore" was back then. It sounded like HEAVY ROCK to me, man! But Bane's first release "Holding This Moment" I heard and immediately loved it and still do to this day. Maybe because of how perfect that collection was never really allowed me to love anything they put out after it. Those albums were good, but they didn't hit me like that first one did...until now. "Don't Wait Up" is to be Bane's last album and maybe it's because they finally made a record that would make me feel that excitement again. Tha passion this band has in these songs makes you feel empowered. This is Bane at their fastest, heaviest, most aggressive, and most creative: quite simply their BEST. "Holding This Moment" is still my favorite, but "Don't Wait Up" is their masterpiece.
14. Unearth – Watchers of Rule
Speaking of bands that were pioneers of my YOUTH, back when "metalcore" meant metal made by and for hardcore kids (man all these entries sound like YA KNOW KIDS, BACK IN MY DAY but oh well. Lots of bands kept being bands I guess) there was no one better or bigger than Unearth. They kind of peaked with 2004's "Oncoming Storm" as far as both success and awesomeness go so this album really snuck up on me as being SO GOOD OMG IT'S SO GOOD YOU GUYS. Like, everything that was awesome about Unearth before but bigger and better and updated for 2014. This might be their most technically proficient outing yet with being very uh...note-y? There's a lot of notes, y'all! But it's still all tha catchiness they've mastered while being crushingly heavy ugh it's so good. I'm mad about it.
13. VA – Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1
I LOVE THA HUNGER GAMES! I love Jennifer Lawrence, I love Woody Harrelson, I loved Jena Malone in Saved! which I just realized was her, I love being hungry, I love games, I love crossbows, I LOVE IT ALL and I love loving those things...while listening to music. Preferably in some earbuds while taking down tha Capitol. This soundtrack is like a whose who of my 2013/2014 MVP's: we got Pusha T, Chvrches, Charli XCX, Tove Lo, Ariana Grande, Kanye West (kind of), and Lorde. Lorde? Yes I love Lorde when I can't see her. Tove Lo delivered her debut album this year with tha hit "Habits" (ya know tha song about getting high all tha time to keep someone off her mind and vomming in bathtubs?) and it kind of fell short of my expectations but her song "Scream My Name" on here is a top 10 track of the year for me, easy. Ariana Grande I always want to like more than I do, and her song here "All My Love" also kills it! Charli XCX who I kind of like a little I guess teams up with Simon Le Bon of tha ONLY BAND I CARE ABOUT FROM THA 80's [Duran Duran] to knock one out of tha park on "My Kingdom" and Kanye West enhances tha Lorde track "Flicker" which sounds fucking awesome too. All of tha songs apart from just being sick, also really feel like they tie into tha emotions of tha movie genuinely filling tha role of a "soundtrack." Tha absolute stand out on here though is of course Jennifer Lawrence herself singing "Tha Hanging Tree" from tha film itself. It's haunting and beautiful and is a highlight of tha movie as much as it is this collection.
12. Extinction A.D. - Plague Prophecy
Extinction A.D. is probably my favorite new band that isn't a girl singing pop music and that's a pretty big deal. XAD rips through these four songs, all four of which are killer. Break-neck speed thrash metal with modern sensibilities but obviously rooted in bands from before I was born and since I refuse to listen to those, THIS IS EVEN BETTER! I was a little nervous going into it after their demo was released last year and featured two songs that weren't bad but certainly are nothing compared to tha ones on this EP. Tha only thing keeping this from being higher is that it isn't MORE songs. Can't wait to see what these guys do next.
11. Rick Ross – Mastermind
Rick Ross put two albums out this year! And like tha true marketing genius he is, he made tha second one ("Hood Billionaire") unlistenable but this joint FLAWLESS!...except for tha few flaws. Most of tha album has a very Miami Vice goodtime gangsta vibes (yeh that's right; GANGSTA. Not gangstER. I got cred, man. I end words with 'a') but tha best tracks are tha dark and gritty ones. "War Ready" with Young Jeezy makes me ready to sell drugs in a school zone and "Sanctified" featuring Kanye West and Big Sean is hands down tha best song of 2014 no competition or discussion. "WASH MY SINS IN THA BLOOD OF JESUS; PEOPLE SAYIN' 'YE WE NEED ANOTHA YEEZUS"...look at that. ANOTHA. Street.
10. Birthday Massacre – Superstition
Birthday Massacre are one of those special bands like superbob and Arsonists Get All tha Girls who I refused to listen to for a long time because they had a stupid name. But after touring with two of my favorite bands in 2007 [theSTART and Mindless Self Indulgence] I decided to give 'em a shot and was really glad I did. TBM deliver an industrial style pop with porcelain sounding female vocals but their secret weapon is that THEY ARE SO HEAVY. It's a real cool dynamic to have such pretty vocals over such aggressive music. "Superstition" is awesome because they've pretty much stuck to tha same formula for tha last 3 albums or so, and really take some risks on this one by expanding their sound to more dance-y elements and sometimes darker musical tones as well that almost give it a doom feel.
9. He Is Legend – Heavy Fruit
To appreciate He Is Legend, I really have to think of them as three separate eras:
There's everything up until and including "I Am Hollywood"; there's everything after "I Am Hollywood" up until and including "It Hates You"; and this, their new album "Heavy Fruit."
This was an album that absolutely surprised me because out of tha three of those versions of He Is Legend, I only ever enjoyed tha first one but this record absolutely rules. Tha songs are tight, creative, and musically way heavier than tha very (very) [VERY] Alice in Chains-y vocals would lead you to believe. If you ever liked this band or Alice in Chains, or just great modern rock songs, "Heavy Fruit" is for you no doubt.
8. Issues – Issues
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Issues came up from tha ashes of "Woe, Is Me" and typically I avoid these new wave of metalcore bands altogether. Call it prejudice (because that's what it is) but I just see them all as kind of tha same faceless entity playing tha same song so when I first heard Woe, Is Me I was weirded out that I didn't hate it. But Issues, despite being comprised of almost all of tha original members of Woe are an entirely different, better animal. Tha band's secret weapon is co-vocalist Tyler Carter who has these beautiful Timberlake chops that compliment other vocalist Whatever His Name Is's screaming and pseudo-rapping. They do it all over nu-metal rhythms and HAVE A DJ so tha likelihood of me not loving this band was low to begin with. Their one major weakness is that they just simply have no riffs. All tha songs are tha same staccato structures and no real memorable guitar licks (haha LICKS!) whatsoever. If they could add that into their arsenal, they'd basically be flawless.
7. Jeezy – Seen It All: Tha Autobiography
First to tell me 'motherfucker, trap or die!' was Jeezy, okay? He was also tha first to tell me that he was tha first to tell me. Jeezy formerly known as Young when he had only seen some of it* delivers his best shit since 2006's "Tha Inspiration." Jeezy has never been tha best rapper, but he's tha best dude who can put together a song and make me believe in what he's saying. Now what he's saying is usually that he sold drugs, I should sell drugs, he's drinking vodka, or I should buy his vodka ORRRR sometimes he even mentions that strippers should be rained upon with dollar bills. How can you argue with any of that? Well if ya can, he offers a tag team number called "Beez Like" with Lil' Boosie that puts it all in perspective with it's Spanish-guitar influence and good time vibes with real time tales of HARD TIMES. A lot of time involved. Skip tha fuck out of "No Tears" though.
6. Linkin Park – Hunting Party
I have a longstanding statement that Linkin Park, though not my favorite band is for all intents and purposes tha greatest band of all time. At tha very least, they're tha greatest band of MY time. They've never put out a bad album despite tha fact that most people just remember them for their debut (and, consequently tha best selling album of tha 21st century). But LP are 15 years removed from that lp so it's interesting to see tha music they make now. "Tha Hunting Party" deliberately takes a raw approach and ditches tha gloss of pretty much every Linkin Park album ever by going for something more visceral and gritty. Tha results vary but when they hit their mark like "Guilty All tha Same" which features legendary rapper Rakim in a show stealing rap breakdown, it's worth tha risk. Other guests on tha album include Page Hamilton of Helmet and Daron M. of System of a Down, both who make their respective tracks sound heavily influenced by their respective bands. Probably tha biggest disappointment of this record is that Tom Morello of Rage Against tha Machine is a guest musician but is absolutely wasted on some bullshit interlude track "Drawbar." That folly aside, this is Linkin Park at their heaviest and meanest but not necessarily their best...but pretty good for Linkin Park is still better than most.
5. Lily Allen – Sheezus
This is one of tha reasons I make sure to listen to every album I can, including ones of artists I don't think I like. Before "Sheezus" I didn't give a fuck about Lily Allen and her sassy Starbucks pop. Yeh, she wore Jordan III's with sundresses but her music bored me. Well maybe it bored her too, because "Sheezus" is on some 'nother level shit. Tha title track is namechecker of tha who's who of pop princesses (though she never mentions me :|) and buries them in a way Taylor Swift has actual literal dreams of doing over a super sick beat. Tha rest of tha album is more slick pop with clever lyrics and catchy hooks which is cherry-topped with tha single "Hard Out Here" about it being apparently more difficult in tha world than for men. Have you heard about this? Well if you haven't, I know just tha bitch to tell you about it.
4. PVRIS – White Noise
PVRIS is absolutely my favorite new band. Their name is a lot like their sound: a mix between Paramore and CHVRCHES. Tha pop sensibilities, guitar drive, and vocal power of Paramore mixed with tha electronic side and dark moods of CHVRCHES and you get PVRIS. ALL CAPS.
3. Iggy Azalea – Tha New Classic
You're pissed. You hate Iggy. You couldn't escape "Fancy" all summer and you think she looks weird. TOO FUCKING BAD. "Tha New Classic" is tha best rap album of 2014 in a walk. There's nothing but hits here laced with Iggy's rapid fire rhymes and sultry singing. Your girl gets moody on "Don't Need Y'all", gets tha party started with "Change Your Life" "Bounce", and "Work" but also takes time to remind you she's tha fucking best on "Walk tha Line", "Goddess", and "Lady Patra."
You can't escape her because she's on top of her game and good lucky getting her to give up tha throne.
2. Killer Be Killed – Killer Be Killed
Killer Be Killed is what's known as a "supergroup" and usually what that means is a bunch of dudes from different bands come together and make something really mediocre. Ya know like Probot or Hellyeah. But Killer Be Killed is an exception to tha rule: tha vocalist for Dillinger Escape Plan, bassist from Mastodon, and Max Cavalera of Soufly/Sepultura fame all share vocal and guitar duties backboned by tha drummer for Mars Volta. IT IS ABSOLUTELY THA COOLEST SHIT. First of all, I love multiple vocal styles and tha three shared here really add texture to tha songs. They're melodic and heavy with just a tinge of nu-metal and always tight. Killer Be Killed have yet to play a live show but tha music sounds like a band that has been together for years and hopefully isn't a one-off thing. Metal/rock album of tha year.
1. Charli XCX – Sucker
FUCK YOU. If you know anything about me and didn't know before you ever saw this list that Charli XCX was gonna top it, you are dumb. Charli is tha pop star I've been waiting for: foreign, punk rock, and FULL OF BANGERS. "Sucker" is absolutely perfect and flawless from start to finish offering R&B moments, pop-punk tracks, and anthems of playful rebellion. There's nothing I would change about this album. I love it. And it's tha best album of 2014.
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