TL;
DR? #30 is Britney Spears and #1 is Metallica.
If you are even reading this list you probably know what to expect here but for tha uninitiated...
Quick
Notes:
- I like music for teen girls and commercial rap that black people actually listen to so don't expect Anderson.Paak or Aesop Rock or whatever you think is "hip-hop" 'cause I want HITS.
- MOST of this and any list is girls or girl-fronted bands, not only because I'm a feminist icon but also because I'm one of those weirdos who thinks hot chicks rule.
Anyway without further ado or adont, here are my favorite albums of 2016.
30. Britney Spears - Glory
Grow
up. Like tha queen wasn't making tha list. Probably her least favorite album of
mine but her most favorite she put out this year.
Yes, this is a white guy but Timbaland produced him so he's basically Aaliyah. This joint is short and sweet and surprisingly sick.
Ssssssssssssss.
I always liked Rocky but never really cared about tha resta these '$AP'ers however tha songs on this are infectious and get me REAL hype...WARM.
This band rules and doesn't do anything incredibly creative or new on this album or in general but does it tha best as far as I'm concerned and I AM CONCERNED.
A couple of real weirdos one of which is a babe with goofy hair talking about Jordans and Mean Girls... maybe I meant to put this as #1.
etid continue to be tha most consistent band around by consistently putting out tha same album for tha past like 15 years. Didn't even listen to this, but know it's Hot Damn! with a P!@thaD guest spot & that's fine with me. (!)
Never cared about East Atlanta Santa until this year and now it's all I care about.
Hot white girl with accent sings pop bangers while using noises as lyrics. Woulda been #1 if it had more songs and Pulp Fiction sound clips.
This band & album sound exactly like their name. This joint is somewhere between dangerous & slightly bending to melody & atmosphere to give you a break (break!) before assaulting you again.
Hot Asian girl with accent sings pop bangers while using noises as lyrics. Woulda been below XCX but it has more songs.
Swan song from Warped Tour: Tha Band tries to be *~mature~* but really shine when it indulges in being fun. Hey just like me!
Tha Kottonmouth Queen comes with tha chill vibes on a higher (lol) level than before. Just wish there was a rager or two to trash my room to.
Jeezy gave me TWO options. I can either TRAP....OR I CAN DIE 3!!! Well I ain't goin' out like that! This joint makes me wanna sell drugs in a school zone!!!
Former Flyleaf vocalist & Folly Beach Ben & Jerry's customer returns HARD with some genuinely emotional and uplifting rock anthems. There's also a cover of Message In a Bottle though 'cause I guess she never heard Machine Head nu it up already.
People call this stuff "alt-R&B" which I guess means you can torrent it on Breitbart but to me it just sounds like a darker version of Gaga's "Fame" LP. Has one of tha top 3 songs about girls double-clicking their mouse of tha year.
I know y'all might think this is a given for ME but (hed)'s first 3 albums I loved & then they had roughly 15 years of TRAAASH. But this album is a whole new lineup & is SLAMMIN'!! So they win tha most improved award. No jokes for this other than (hed) P.E. being higher than Testament & Every Time I Die.
13. Tha 1975 - I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it
Syrupy straight SMASHES that suffer from their songs being as long as tha title. Maybe next time cut tha last 4 minutes off tha track, boiz. Also something about sass. There's a lot of it.
People call this stuff "Alt-R&B" which I guess means it's tha soundtrack to Alex Jones' Zumba class but to me it just sounds like a darker Ace of Base!!!
More sass! These former Blood Brothers leave tha Piano Island and move to Head Wound City! Geography jokes! These songs rip and never outstay their welcome or letting up on their intensity in...one city.
Did y'all not hear "Gold"?! It's a bunch of non-words and an allusion to having a grill. Yeah, I'll take 6 please thanks!!
Miss me wit tha Tony Bennett duets, Gags, this is what I want! Somehow probably more a squeeakuel to "Born This Way" more than ARTPOP, it's not my favorite but probably her best.
Tha rest of this list starting here is a bunch of artists who should NOT be making absolute classics who do. I don't know a single bar from this album BUT I KNOW HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL. Remember than Mannequin Challenge, you guys? Remember John Lennon?
It only took Norma Jean a decade+ and replacing literally every single member to make an album anywhere near as good as Bless tha Martyr. Still callin' Corey 'tha new guy' though.
I know. Guys...i know. But this is seriously nothing but heavy hitters front to back and may have been my most listened to album of tha year if we're being honest which I'd rather us be.
As someone who regularly wishes they were dead, this is really good music to get in tha mood to wanna kill yourself to. PLUS, girl vocals!!!!
I've never met anyone who dislikes tha Deftones and there's probably a reason for that. I don't know if they'll ever make something as flawless as Diamond Eyes ever again, but even with its' flaws this album is so sick.
When people dismiss CRJ, it really upsets me you guys. Ya girl dropped a B-SIDES ALBUM and it's still tha best pop record of tha year. And I just like tha name Rae. I tolerate tha bangs.
I know this dude is off his rocker and his sneakers retail and resell at too much but tha fact is, he's tha best in tha world at what he does. Tha Chris Jericho and Wolverine of our lifetime minus being Canadian. Chicago is close to tha border though.
C'mon
man. You knew ThreeLoad was gonna be #1 right? I thought I hated it at first
but, not unlike most relationships in my life, tha more time I took to hate it,
tha more I loved it! And now we're in love....LADIES.
So that's it!
So that's it!
Got anything you think I missed?...
You're
wrong! I heard it and there wasn't enough girls rapping!
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