Shadaloozer

Gossip Girl what the FUCK! A five week hiatus?! I can't deal with it. I need more Jenny Humprey in my life than once every month and a half. I mean yeah she's what like 14? But I guess I can like older girls this one time. I'm convinced her and Dan's father IS Gossip Girl. 'Cause this motherfucker is NEVER at work. So he has plenty of time to just sit at home and blog it up about bullshit. I mean what a loser right?! Who has time to just sit and rant about...oh...so anyway I'd like to take this time to address some things I'm excited about this year in music and movies. Now what does that really mean to someone whose favorite album of 2007 was Avril Lavigne and favorite movie of MMH8 was Bolt? Well the answer has two parts: 1. everything; 2. Don't fucking sass me or I swear to God I will make you my Rihanna whilst I hum the chorus to "No Air." That's a two-fold punishment. You probably thought I was gonna say hum "Breakin' Dishes" but that would be too obvious. (huh?)

First and foremost: Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li. Why is this number one? Welllllllll because it's the soonest. And I have the patience of a piece of shit who rides their bike on the sidewalk has with pedestrians. Yo if you ride your bike on the sidewalk, you're a pussy. Period. Actually if you ride a bike at all, you're a legit faggot anyway unless you're under the age of 13. However, if you're like pushing 30, waiting tables, and worried more about the tattoo sleeve you're gonna get than your rent payment or that your haircut looks like it's from the 1950's (and not the T-Birds, but the dudes who got beat up by them) then you probably need to just get that fixed gear on I-26 and close your eyes, but PLEASE not before refilling my sweet tea and would it be too much trouble for some more bread? We gotta get the recipe for bread. I wanna live in a world where you can just go to a grocery store and buy bread right there ready to eat! Now I know it's been like 15 years since the original Street Fighter and that they're pretty much disregarding that it happened and bypassing the two most popular characters for Chun-Li but godDAMNIT you have to start somewhere. Besides, you know she's gonna do the spinning bird kick. What more do you need? Ryu and Ken? Yeh probably but did I meantion spinning bird kick? I feel like I may have neglected to bring that up. And I don't know if you've heard...I was under the impression everyone had heard. I thought it'd be bigger news. Oh you HAVEN'T heard? Well the spinning bird...is the word. Or for our construction worker friends: La palabra esta el pajaro.

I'm sorry I take that back. That was a little racist and discriminatory. I know it takes all kinds to build a highway. But mi abuelita always told me that Mexicans are a lower form of life than us Venezuelans and if you're calling my nana a liar OH DO WE HAVE SOME PROBLEMS!!!!! THAT WOMAN MADE ME CHILE RELLENO FOR 6 YEARS OF MY LIFE! And there was some platanos too but I'd never eat it. I don't eat fruit. I never have eaten a fruit. They're wet for no reason! It weirds me out.

Well all this talk of you beefin' with Nana Cubillan and nauseating fruit has sidetracked me into a state of dry heaves and a strange craving for cheese stuffed peppers...so I'm gonna go fingerblast my throat like it was Taylor Momsen and I'll get back to you later.