Bluffin' with My Muffin

Maidens and sirs, it's June and you know what that means - SUMMER BLOCKBUSTERS. Now I see movies all the time because the sweatshop I manage is right next to a movie theater and after 11 or so hours of hearing those damn 5th graders makes noises which I interpret as complaining in a language of the orient, I need something to take my mind off of how worth it the Nokias and Nikes they make is. But rarely do I actually get excited about movies until the recent incorporation of 3D in animated films. THREE D!!!! Now I actually don't know what 3-D stands for or how many D's my normal features are in but I'd bet my lucky World of Coca-Cola penny that it's less than 3 of 'em. Not only am I getting more D's, you also get new sunglasses with the purchase of every ticket! Now supposedly you're supposed to give these glasses back that you just paid an extra $4 for but Global Warming is a real threat, and if I won't fight the UV rays who will!! (what the fuck is he talking ab-) So of COURSE I was overjoyed not long ago when I saw the best movie of MMH8 entitled: Bolt in 3-D to see the preview for Disney/Pixar's latest release UP!

UP! is without question, an amazing movie. But there's something you should know about it: It's the saddest fucking movie ever made. And don't even try and say "well then clearly you didn't see the Notebook." The Notebook is only sad in its closing moments. UP! is sad the entire fucking time and what's worse, is its like almost hidden! You're tricked by the big ol' Bird (as I oft am) and the talking dogs that you forget, oh holy shit this is the most emotionally intense 90 minutes of my theatrical life. Another movie I saw recently that blew my fragile mind, was TRANSthefuckFORMERS 2: Revenge of the Fallen. Before seeing it I was told by many people that it sucked but my hopes would not be dashed. So I go and see it at the Hippodrome which is what the independently owned IMAX theater here has been renamed, which I'm all for. I mean I'm down with Hippos. Hungry Hungry Hippos, Flavio and Marita from Animaniacs, Gloria on Madagascar, I've kicked it with a hippo or two. So in short, the movie is amazing, despite Megan Fox's terrible tattoos and the fact that it makes me wanna be speared by Megatron when I think that Shia LeBeouf dated Rhianna. It's so so so good and so I go to question these people that said otherwise to inquire if we even saw the same fucking movie. They tell me "man i didn't like it...it was all about the robots and them fighting."

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THE MOVIE IS CALLED TRANSFUCKIGNFORMERS! WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?!

Tis not entitled "Sam Witwicky." It's supposed to be about robots and fighting and death that doesn't make sense 'cause they're machines and how do they love? At least they hate. I can respect that.