eHarmony.com posted 15 Reasons to Date a Bartender. Tha idea of dating a bartender never particularly interested me but let's run down these 15 reasons and see how many reasons there REALLY are.
1. FREE DRINKS
- Oh okay well tha cost of making a Shirley Temple at home is like 10 cents a day so I'll be sure to get psyched on this. :|
2. Matt Damon did. He met his wife, Luciana Barroso, at the bar where she was pouring drinks. They’re now raising four daughters together.
- He also banged that dude in Eurotrip's girlfriend so I don't trust his methods of romance at all!
3. Bartenders work hard for their money. You won’t be dating someone lazy.
- Bartenders probably do "work hard" but they're also working at tha same place they're getting drunk at. And I know that's where that tip money is going towards anyway if you didn't work so c'mon.
4. Because bartenders depend on tips, your date will likely treat other people in the service industry well.
- Great. My Chinese food delivery guy will love her. What's in it for me?
5. Bartenders are patient and aren’t easily fazed. They remain calm around obnoxious behavior on a nightly basis.
- Well I guess that IS a pro that she's patient because we're not going ANYWHERE til this episode of Vampire Diaries is over. 1 outta 5.
6. Bartenders are charming and have mastered small talk.
- I'll keep that in mind if I ever become boring. :|
7. You can swing by your partner’s place of employment without feeling awkward about it.
- I dunno what wouldn't be awkward about "swinging by" to a spot flooded with drunk dudes hitting on my girlfriend.
8. Tom Cruise in Cocktail. Enough said.
- ..g...gay? right?
9. Bartenders are on the receiving end of a lot of empty lip service and drunken flirtations at work. They appreciate relationships of substance at home.
- I guess you don't know how good ya got it til you see how bad it can be. 2 outta 9.
10. They’ve seen it all. So if you’re feeling a little woozy or weepy, it’s not likely to scare them off.
- I don't know what "it all" is referring to. They're a bartender, not Indiana fucking Jones.
11. Bartenders are practically therapists. Having witnessed plenty of dates (and likely having lent a listening ear to many broken-hearted drinkers), your date will have a unique perspective on relationships.
- Probably not a unique perspective on problem solving. (hint: getting wasted)
12. Bartenders often have dreams beyond bartending. Sandra Bullock, Bill Cosby and Bruce Willis all poured drinks as they pursued their current careers. Others want to own their own establishments. (Even if your date has no plans to do anything but bartend, don’t be a career snob. It’s an honest living.)
- Seems like this one cancels itself out at tha end so...
13. You’ll have a few nights a week to yourself.
- THREE OUTTA THIRTEEN!
14. At work, your partner will be the coolest guy/gal in the room. (Dating a bartender isn’t for the insecure. Consider it a compliment that everyone loves your date.)
- I'm not sure I understand tha first part but tha second part seems okay so I'll say 3.5 outta 14.
15. Bartenders are used to taking care of customers, even anticipating their tastes and desires. Make a bartender’s day by buying him/her a drink — elsewhere.
- How about I pour you a glass of water and make some dinner because you smell like gin and cheese fries?
Most of tha time I can get a free Shirley Temple because people are either confused or disgusted and don't want to have a paper trail proving they made one. Now I'm sure there are still wigger goth babes with unnatural hair colors, pale skin, and frowns out there that are bartenders who I'd still love a whole lot! I just don't think tha bartender aspect is gonna do 'em any favors for me. But chances are I'm not tha one they're looking for anyway since I'm under 40 and don't have strong opinions about Sons of Anarchy.
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