Autonomy

So I originally was going to post about my top albums of 2011 but...I just kept on writing down Femme Fatale over and over again so while I work on that I decided I'd put tha TV on for some background noise because people talk on it and makes me feel like I have friends! But I realized not very good ones (art imitates life!) because very few shows really stick with me. I mean sure I watch wrestling every day but there's only a couple shows I really care about and, more importantly, that really care about me.





Tha Walking Dead. I don't mean to spoil this for you, but zombies have taken over tha world (much like vampires soon will because you keep romanticizing them!) and there's a handful of white people, an Asian whose parents are probably ashamed of him, and a black guy that are trying to make it out there! I know it's an apocalypse because this haggard bitch Lori has somehow been railed out by both tha main male characters...and they don't even regret it! They're practically fighting over her! Tha zombie apocalypse has made them prison gay for ugly girls.






Now, given, my dream girl is a teenage single mom wigger babe with purple and teal hair but there's no way in a world where Kristen Bell is still making movies would Glen find Maggie hot. But this is how we know tha world is over. There's no Kristen Bell.






Now I hear a lot about this show Sons of Anarchy but I've never seen it because I don't own any denim vests and I'm too busy spending Tuesday nights watching THA LOONEY TUNES SHOW. "Oh yeah I used to watch that all tha ti-" NO YOU DIDN'T. This is a 2011 relaunch of tha franchise and it is, in all likelyhood tha greatest animated series of all time. I know you guys thought it was Tha Tick






but here's tha thing: Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck...LIVE together...and their neighbors are Yosemite Sam, Sylvester & Tweety, Gossamer, Speedy lives inside their house, Porky is just always like...around and they have a character way hotter than anyone on Walking Dead: Lola Bunny. Oh Lola. We've come a long way since Space Jam <3.




Wizards of Waverly Place it goes without saying is tha greatest show on television. Sadly it is coming to an end with only a few episodes left in tha entire series! This is really a big blow to sitcoms because Wizards has:


- tha hottest TV mom of all time,




- tha hottest sitcom girlfriend,


- and tha hottest TV brother




At least that's what my dad says. Other than that...5 years late I finally love 30 Rock. I originally saw it and was like "nah" but now I watched season 4 and I'm like..."yeh." It actually has a continuous plot and isn't just random episodes thrown together like tha first season seemed to be. It's like Sex and tha City for people that like shows that are funny and don't have 4 women in their post menapause eras pretending they're still hot. Actually it's a cast of tha most important people in my life, namely Tina Fey




and Alec Baldwin. Tina who wrote tha greatest movie of all time, Mean Girls and Alec Baldwin who is down for animal rights and in Tha Cat in tha Hat. OMG Dakota Fanning.

IGNYTSTFU

"Tha economy is in shambles blah blah" LISTEN...I have REAL problems okay? For one, this fucking Taco Bell is outta Baja Blast. Occupy THAT! Also, I haven't had tha easiest time locating Pumpkin Spice Silk this year. Now I contacted my congressman about that and he told me to go find a pumpkin soy cow and laughed at me. REAL FUNNY. Now I know what you're expecting here: me to either defend Occupy: Wall Street like Man Overboard defends pop-punk or to attack it and tell you why it's stupid like a sequel to Stay Alive. Although Stay Alive did have Peter from Heroes. Heroes was a good show. I know posers who started watching it after it went off tha air don't blog about it like Lost (see: 90% of Tumblr), but it ruled. And never really concluded. Kinda like when I went and saw Twilight. I left once Kevin from tha O.C. started chasing Kristen Stewart so that way, it would never end in my mind!




What was my point?


Oh yeah.


Posers.


So Occupy Wall Street, also known as First World Problems, is actually a great cause, message, and idea. But unfortunately tha messengers of tha message are not really who should be actin' like they know what they're talking about. Fighting for a civil liberty isn't quite tha same as fighting for a credit score. When you're barely out of your teens, unemployed, never OCCUPIED...a job, and never paid taxes I'm gonna need ya to shut tha fuck up. When you spent $150,000 on a degree and can't find a lot of work as an injury lawyer (maybe next time don't go to Yale? Or...major in tha handbells or whatever) I'm gonna need ya to shut tha fuck up. If you liked tha movie (500) Days of Summer? IGNYTSTFU.








If you truly advocate OWS, I'm sure you're not naive enough to your own cause to realize there are people that aren't genuine that do NOT really get it that are trying to bandwagon and are misrepresenting tha real frontliners out there...and unfortunately that is tha MAJORITY of tha online posts my poor peepers are forced to see all day long on tha interweb machines. I just hope you all have saved enough money over tha years to...






Buy tha new Demi Lovato album! Unbroken! Tha title is NOT referring to my heart while I listen to it because there are some real tear jerkers here but I stick to tha club bangers and guest spot tracks. I was really conflicted on whether or not to BUY it as I don't want Demi to stop cutting herself and I'm afraid if she's TOO successful she'll be too happy. No no don't take that tha wrong way! All I'm saying is that she obviously makes tha best career moves when under a low carb (aka food at all) diet and when she's...um...DETOXING herself of needless life fluid. OH!...and I like it when girls cut themselves. But who's to say this wasn't just a ploy to get her to get some press away from that Selena Gomez trick? Now don't get me wrong, Wizards of Waverly Place is tha best show on television and I LOVE Alex Russo. I just...hate Selena Gomez. Let's not forget she's tha biggest Belieber in tha joint and have you seen that little shit? Guilty by association. It's a policy you should adapt too.





I always thought she'd end up with someone offensively older than her like...George Clooney or something. But no. Clooney is railing Stacy Keibler who should really be with ME and most mornings it feels like she is since it's November and my Maxim calendar is still on January so we can wake up together.





But then I realize we'll never be together because Lindsay Lohan would find out and think this whole her being tha most important woman in my life shit has been a farce and then she's gonna cut herse-...wait a minute. I could use a new Lindsay Lohan album.

Stronger Than Dirt

I haven't had a computer in a long time because apparently torrent downloading tha entire series of "Street Frogs" and "Samurai Pizza Cats" has hidden viral consequences. But now I am back on tha QWERTY ready to Google what a Netflix is and if that Jack White/ICP thing is real.







But before I do that, I gotta eat. And as you know, it IS PFE (Pumpkin Fucking Everything) season so I heard about a new spic spot opening down tha way and decided to see if they had pumpkin tacos. My waitress told me I took her "vegan virginity" by being tha first to order from tha vegan menu. I told her that was ironic since most vegans are, in fact, virgins.





Tha only thing cool about being vegan other than pissing your parents off is that it gives you an excuse to eat weird shit because it's already fucking weird you won't eat a Monster Burger. This is why I'll put Vegenaise of fucking...ANYTHING. Sandwiches? Yes. Chinese food? Absolutely. Cupcakes? Non issue. I'll put Vegenaise...on more Vegenaise!





But probably my favorite thing to put Vegenaise in is ramen noodles. I've never used seasoning in my ramen because tha foil packet it comes in scares tha shit outta me. I used to date a girl (huh? I thought you were ga-) who told me she has NEVER eaten ramen before. Initially, I was blown away but then I thought about things she'd done that I'd never done before. I've never smoked a crack pipe before and she didn't judge ME for it so I guess we were just from two different worlds.

MAC Flag

Today is a pretty historic event. Ya see I consider myself quite a wrestling fan. And not that fake shit they do at tha Olympics, but tha real deal with gold belts and Goldbergs. Aside from Royal Rumble 2010 and Wrestlemania 27 which I attended however, I find it difficult to actually purchase PPVs. I'd rather go to a local sports bar and suck down Shirley Temples and watch it than drop $44.99 on something I'm going to watch once. But tonight I'm willing to crack open a couple RRs in Eden and see history go down at MONEY IN THA BANK.









Cha-ching bitch! I've been jumping off of ladders onto strangers all day in preparation. If you didn't want to spill your latte, maybe you shouldn't have just gotten Boom Dropped homie! And if you don't know what a Boom Drop is, maybe you shouldn't be racist.



Ya know Monday Night Raw is actually tha longest running episodic program on television. Some people think it's tha Simpsons. Some other people also thing pineapple or black olives are acceptable pizza toppings. What I'm getting at is, all those people are wrong. But one show that has GOT to be in tha runnings is Power Rangers. These motherfuckers are 19 seasons deep! NINETEEN! You mean you couldn't save tha universe in 19 seasons? Tha problem here is that they got greedy with their heroism. See I fucked with MMPR haaaaard...for tha first 5 seasons. Tha seasons they were on EARTH. When they went to space? I was out. I don't live in space. I don't care if space gets saved. It just lost some realism to me. Magic martial arts powers and body controlled robots to fight evil mythical powers? Sure. Magic martial arts powers and body controlled robots to fight evil mythical powers IN SPACE?! Take that shit to tha mall. I had trouble believing tha trip to Phaedos for tha Ninjetti powers but then they returned to Earth and handled Ivan Ooze not to mention that straight banger off tha soundtrack with tha "uh oh. we're in trouble." Um you're goddamn right you're in trouble. There's a full grown man that just hatched out of an egg here. Time to go get some powers from space and then what? That's right. COME BACK. Take what you need and leave. It's tha American way. (Aww political undertone :| ).




New 311 album out TUESDAY! 07/19/2011. Here's tha first (and probably only) single off of it. If you've ever heard a 311 album then you've heard this song a couple dozen times before a.k.a. it rules.

Juggalo Youth for a Florence-Free America

I just received tha 2nd mixtape anyone's ever made for me; tha first was from my second girlfriend​ called "Do You Love Me?" [tha answer would turn out to be no] - This one is called "Return of tha Real" and given to me from a guy named "Bugz" who sells hard rocks 2 blocks down tha street. I'd call that an improvement.




It's funny how music can motivate you to wanna do things. For example, this CD makes me want to go sell drugs in a school zone whereas Britney Spears new album "Femme Fatale" makes me want to TAKE copious amounts of drugs, turn on a strobe light, and fuck anything I can find. And hopefully what I find is that babe from tha new Transformers movie Shia LaBeo- I mean uh... tha bitch who plays Carly. I bet she pronounces water like "war-tuh". That's silly. Take that shit back to tha mall in Hogwarts. Diagon Alley right? See, I read a book once!




I read tha first Harry Potter and then read tha 2nd one and realized I'd just read tha same book twice. I didn't need to read tha other ones to know that V-Mort is gonna come back and Har-Po is gonna beat him. I need something with more depth and mystery. Something like Winnie tha Pooh. Where tha fuck is all tha honey? Why do Heffalumps live in a forrest? Is Tigger molesting Roo? See this is real literature. And Eeyore is my DUDE. You're welcome for noticin' you homie!




In conclusion, I've been jamming hard thanks to my friend DFR who obviously GETS me. She told me to check this 17 year old Taylor Bright out and I knew I was going to love it as soon as I saw "17." Turns out in addition to being a babe she has this banger called "Psycho" so here it is.

PROHOMO

I recently tried to use Tumblr and that shit was whack. I don't get why people use it though I'm into tha numetal spelling where they leave out one vowel. I also was going to try doing a video blog, a v-blo, but I realized I need either a tripod or a camera man. A Freddie if you will. A Freddie to me, Carly. So here we are. Back to tha blogspot. Feels RIGHT. So guess what? Gay marriage is legal in New York! How cool is that?! From what I understand it's just tha RECOGNITION of gay marriage is legal versus marriages being able to happen within tha state but either way it's pretty cool and leave us with only 10-15 more states to get on board. I say 10-15 because like...I don't really give a fuck if somewhere like...Wyoming legalizes gay marriage. They have like 6 people per square mile and 5 of those people are goats. Speaking of gay people, I'm more than just a lesbian hairscut and a love for Tegan and Sara. That being said I'm currently selling these PROHOMO bracelets to help raise money for EveryoneIsGay.com which is an outreach site for people dealing with being gay whether it be coming out to their parents or just questions about feelings they might be having. PRETTY FUCKING COOL. And tha girls that run it are total babes.



I'm so upset about this Casey Anthony trial. I'm so upset that people think I know what tha fuck they're talking about. Who is Casey Anthony? Is she on tha Disney Channel? Then get tha fuck outta here. Ya know who was on tha Disney Channel? One Christy Carlson Romano.



Louis Stevens is Transformerizing and Disturbiatuding and Eagle Eyeing, Dad Stevens is holdin' it down on Secret Life but where is sweet Ren? She was so hot she needed 3 names (like Amy Jo Johnson and Melissa Joan Hart). Those braces. That pissy attitude. Talk about a dreamboat AND she voiced Kim Possible who's easily tha hottest Disney Channel cartoon character. I guess that's not hard to beat Phineas or Penny Proud but tha facts remain. I'd probably date a girl who dressed like KP. I'd probably date a girl who used tha phrase "what's tha sitch?" when inquiring to me what movie we were gonna go see or which Limp Bizkit album we're gonna listen to.



Hopefully tha movie she is selecting is tha new Transformers and tha Limp Bizkit album is GOLD COBRA. Rarely do I get real real psyched on an album coming out that I need to get it on release date at 10am with a backwards baseball cap on to top off my black t-shirt and cuffed khakis but this was an exception and it payed tha fuck off. So I leave you jammin' to John Otto takin' it to tha Matthews Bridge.

BRING IT ON.

Madness

So tha rapture apparently was supposed to happen today. I wouldn’t know this if I didn’t have a twitter (@rainbro) but enough people told me that it was supposed to as much as people tried to make it sound like raptor sounds like rapture…It’s pretty much an embarrassment to everyone. It embarrasses people who believe in God because it justifies atheists thinking you’re an idiot that tha end of tha world would have some sort of time table on it; It’s embarrassing to atheists because they act like tha people that believe this shit are real. They’re about as real as it being summer in May.





I’m so sick of clowns "loving summer." News flash posers: it's MAY okay? Blue creme Oreos haven't even come out yet. Get a clue. I haven’t been able to find those R!O Oreos either. Sad day. But I DID get to see R!O and it was sooo good. Top 5 of tha 2000’s for sure. Bolt of course being number one. Educate yourself. I still haven’t seen Scream 4, Fast 5, or Thor…um…1. But I did also see Bridesmaids! I was skeptical to check it out since people kept comparing it to tha Hangover but it’s really nothing like tha Hangover at all. Ya see Bridesmaids…

is a comedy.




A comedy that doesn't bring me half as much LOLz as faggots who own iPADs and now think they're dubstep DJs. Yooo I own bandaids. Am I a doctor?! None of you are photographers, models, DJs, musicians, comedians, writers, artists, or even "porn stars." You have a Facebook page, a camera, and a dream. And hey, keep livin' it! 'Cause you think life sucks now? Oh man! Wait til you have your heart broken and a rent bill. And recently my heart was broken.






It broke as soon as I was told that one of tha most recognizable names in wrestling, "Macho Man" Randy Savage died at age 58 due to a car accident. He was a big part of my childhood and I truly am saddened by tha news of his death. His style and charisma was only outshined by his performance in tha ring. He'll always be immortal to me.

R.I.P. Randy Poffo

Nuer Than Most

Yooo...look at that! Only like a month delay this time. So Wrestlemania was amazing. I met Michelle McCool and she hugged me and I'm pretty sure we're best friends now. Check my twitter followers ya know?! I got to see tha Hawks kill tha Celtics (but not really kill them. That faggot Davis is still breathing unfortunately :[ ) and eat at my favorite restaurants in Atlanta eating tha best fake food money and blood diamonds can buy.




Tha NBA playoffs are goin' down right now and if you know me you know I back tha Lakers hard. Perhaps tha hardest. Recently Kobe got a lot of heat on him for calling a ref a "fucking faggot" and I think that's really fucked up...that he's getting shit for it. Review tha video - that ref was being a fucking faggot! I have a lesbian hairscut and marched in pride parades when you were still thinking SOAP Shoes were cool so if anyone is qualified to identify tha proper use of tha word faggot it's me.




I've been trying to go out of my way to spread tha gospel of tha nu in 2011 and have been able to see some of my favorite bands from when I was younger: Taproot, Cold, (hed) P.E., Papa Roach and MY band even got to play with Nonpoint on my birthday a couple weeks ago. I really want girls to embrace this nu-ness in their style and this begins with anemically pale skin and most importantly... artificially colored hair. My go to color? PURPLE. And holy fuck if you can combine this with tha side ponytail?! I'll melt like ice cream you forgot you bought whilst grocery shopping so you go see a movie and then you go to take in tha bread and Capri-Sun in and you're like fuuuuuuck tha ice cream!!!!!





Purple isn't tha only color though. I pretty much back any unnatural hair color: teal, blue, red. Feel free to play bass and wear studs and combat boots too. We can make this work.





Basically what I'm trying to say is: I'm 12 years old, it's not rape if it's family, I don't know what an Osama Bin Laden is, and I spend my days trying to drown myself in tha bottom of these cans.




So unless my dream finally comes true and my phone isn't always tha lucky one who gets to die, I'll talk to you soon.

\||/

Return of tha Nu & Improved

I haven't hit this up in a while. Like 6 months. Tha good news is, you haven't missed out on anything. I've gone on a few trips, been to a few basketball games, and uh...OH YEAH! RIGHT NOW I'M AT FUCKING WRESTLEMANIA!!! No big deal. I'm not even excited about it. Who cares. In fact tha last time I posted was tha day i bought tha tickets. I'll do a whole WM weekend update soon.




I mean big things have been going on in tha world ya know. Serious things that affect tha world as a whole and not just your little island you live on. Things like...okay Taco Bell? HAS THEIR OWN FRITOS. What?! Rockstar Recovery has been single-handedly catapulted into popularity by me that it now comes in THREE flavors, two of which are good, AND...




My band has recorded tha greatest piece of musical history to ever grace sound, light, or tha further. I think some people and animals died but that's secondary to an Orange Rockstar Recovery obviously. People die everyday, revolutions only happen when...ya know...I make them happen.




I recently went to Colorado amongst other cities and states but Denver, Colorado really stands out tha most because mainly because:

1. There are NO black people in Colorado. It's like tha Australia of America just with less Lisa Frank looking mountains and more sports stadiums. One of which is tha Pepsi Center where I went and saw tha Denver Thuggets embarass tha Spurs. Tha best part about this was every time this Vince Russo lookin' motherfucker Manu Ginóbili got tha ball, they boo'd him like...well like he was Vince Russo. You don't get this but it's HILARIOUS I promise.



Saw a few movies recently but none I'm more excited about than RIO coming out.



But as far as non-animated movies, Scream 4 and Fast 5 have my attention. Fast 5 has The Rock in it and I've always been a sucker for those movies even though I KNOW they're bad. Sometimes that's half tha fun. Scream I've been into ever since tha first one because I understood Billy's plight. I mean I'd have to kill Neve Campbell after I fucked her too.



I'm going to update this way more frequently but while I had some downtime I figured I'd try to get back into it. Until then, remember that sadness is for poor people and Celtics jerseys are for faggots.

- rr